I just went out with Derek and Dan for another round of field work. This time, we went to happy hour, a kind of mixture of day and night game that I actually ended up liking a lot. I met Dan once before about a year ago and I recall really liking his approach to PU, and it was a pleasure to be instructed by him.
This isn't a field report, so I won't go into details about what I did or said, instead I'll just distill some of the highlights of what I learned. It was an eye opener and I think I made a few small breakthroughs.
1. Statements instead of questions.
I have a tendency to ask too many questions at the beginning of the interaction. It's the main (possibly the only) reason that I stall out on so many sets. Especially if the question is just a gimmick that I'm using to talk to them, and I really don't give a fuck about (eg. "what are you drinking"). Dan saw this immediately and gave me a mission: go into a set and not ask a single question. It was much harder than it sounds, and I needed a few tries to even get close.
2. Don't worry about saying anything interesting.
Interesting is a value judgement, which I should be applying to her, instead of applying it to me on her behalf. Dan gave me an example, where he took 3 items from my shopping list (bananas, vitamin water, and kettle chips) and made it interesting. That was fucking amazing. After I stopped caring if what I said was interesting, it became so much easier to talk. My interactions got noticeably better.
3. SOI: tell her she's sexy.
I really don't do that enough (or at all). So Dan challenged me to approach a girl and just straight out tell her that I think she's sexy. It was about an hour and half outside of my comfort zone, but I went in and did it. She lit up, and we ended up having a pretty decent conversation. Then later in different sets, I worked in the SOI after talking for a bit.
After incorporating these things into my interactions, I got better (shocking, I know). I didn't notice it at the time, but I actually stayed in the sets longer and had deeper connection with them. I was honest with who I am, and it came out really natural. The kino was still a bit awkward to me, and I was challenged by Dan to kino girls, but everytime I touch them, it had to be different... different body part, different way, etc. I still don't think I quite got it, but there were two occasions when the girls kinoed me.
The SOI is still a sticking point. So I'm going to promise myself one thing. Every set that I approach from now on, if there is a girl that I find attractive, I'm going to find some non-obvious trait about her that I like, I'll qualify trait and then SOI. I'll even use the same adjective everytime: sexy.
I think I finally peeked out of my shell. Now I just have to step out of it for good. It's so weird that I have to unlearn so many things just so I can be myself. But now that I tried it, there really is no going back.
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