Prolonged Silence

I haven't blogged in awhile. In this case, it wasn't because of the lack of things happening in my life. On the contrary, a bit too much happened, and I'm more confused than anything else.

Consider my dilemma. I had an oneitis problem for almost an entire year. She is the most beautiful girl I've ever dated. She's smart, sexy, and fun. In short, everything I had wanted. Oh don't get me wrong, she wasn't perfect. She had plenty of issues, but don't we all?

But the problem was, at the time I wasn't ready to date a girl like that. My inner game was shit. I was unsure, lacked confidence, then became needy. It went down hill pretty fast and the sad part is that she liked me from the beginning. It was so easy, all I had to do was to fuck it up. And fuck it up I did.

She and I became on again off again, mostly off again. I was stuck on her. Every time I thought I would throw in the towel, I convinced myself to give it another try. Then I promptly get burned. I was in hell. So at last I decided to march myself out of hell by taking a workshop with socialsavant.

I came out a changed person. But just when I was given the tools to conquer women everywhere, she's back. The change was noticeable to her. I'm much more relaxed around her and I said all those things I never said before, did all the things I never did before. I ran attraction then I connected with her. Everything I was taught in the workshop, I used. It worked. But now she wants a relationship.

So imagine this: the girl you've been stuck on for the past year, the motivating force for the workshop you went through, the fantasy that was so close but remained just out of reach, suddenly comes back and says she wants you. What would you do? You'd be crazy to say no. I feel like I've been given a second chance; I gave myself that second chance.

But it doesn't have to be a choice. I could still game other girls. A part of me wants to be the player. I'm attracted by the thrill, the power, the fun, and of course, the sex. The steamy copious sex I've deserved. In the long term, I'll be happier. But the other part of me know how easy it is to make me happy. I want to spend more time with her and sex with her is pretty good. I only have so many hours in my week and I know if I'm with her, I won't practice my game as much. I'll be happy in the short term, but at some point I'll have to game again.

So it ends up being a choice nevertheless. Short-term hard work and long-term happiness versus short-term happiness and still have to pay the piper in time. Why can't I have the best of both worlds? Why does it have to be a choice?

So I'm in this quandary. I'm figuring a way out...