I got rattled

This weekend started out very good. I found myself in a mental state that I never reached before. I was content, centered, and really didn't care what anyone thought or did to me. I was extremely social on Friday, and very relaxed for most of Saturday. I thought I reached a new height in my inner game, where I have accepted the abundance frame, internalized my lack of need, and put forth my best natural self.

But it all crashed down in less than 30 seconds. I was out day gaming, and just as I was about to finish, I saw her. A HB9 that I went on a D3 with, made-out but didn't get to f-close. I haven't seen her in a month and this was all before my recent epiphanies. I wanted to put her on ice, but seeing her was totally unexpected.

She was with a guy, and he stood to the side while I talked to her. I should've introduced myself to him and brought him into the conversation. But I completely froze. Just like that my state went out the window. I promised myself that I wouldn't ask her out again until she showed some compliance, but within 30 seconds, I was asking her to dinner. She gave me this non-commital answer. And I accepted it.

I felt like shit afterwards. It threw off the rest of my weekend. I guess I let it get to me a little too much. After all, what is she to me? But my inability to remain calm, to retain state, and to regain center really pissed me off. I told my story on the Lair and I got a lot of feedback. And I do agree that my inner game is still weak, otherwise I wouldn't have been affected so much.

This is a big lesson learned. I had no idea just how easy it is to knock me off balance. What I thought was a strong inner game, was only partial. I really did reach a higher mental state with my inner game, but I wasn't ready to stay there. I'm going to remember the lesson, release the emotions and get ready for sarging again this weekend.

With practice, I have no doubt that my inner game will reach and remain at the high plateau I experienced on Friday.