FR: Juggler Girl

On Saturday, I went out for day game with bunch of lair guys. I was running late, so I ended up walking briskly on Market street trying to get to the entrance of the mall. When I was almost there, I saw a girl in an absolutely horrendous pee-colored dress walking in the same direction. I thought she was a crazy person, you know, the kind that is way too common in San Francisco. As I caught up to her, I realized she's wearing a costume and she was juggling balls as she was walking. And she's kinda cute. Why not... it's warm up right?

So I open. I don't even remember what I said exactly, but it's situational (duh) something about juggling. So apparently she just finished volunteering at the Children's museum and on her way home. I asked her how she learned to juggle; she told me a very interesting story; I SOA her. By this time, we're at the entrance of the mall. I decide to instadate.

Me: Hey... I think you're very interesting... It's not everyday I meet a person like you and I want to find out more. Let's grab coffee.
Her: Okay.

We walk into the mall. At this time I decide to try to relate to her story emotionally. I know nothing about juggling... so I tell her how I started doing Krav Maga one day, and just fell in love with it, kind of like how she decided to try juggling in the park one day and sorta just fell into it.

We go to Jamba juice and get drinks. I banter a tiny bit, some kino, but most of time I'm stick to very normal stuff, like finding out where she grew up, what she's studying, etc. I was very careful to make statements to her statements, so it doesn't become a Q&A session. For example,

Me: So what do you study at state?
Her: Liberal arts... (gives me a look)... a lot of people give me shit for it, cuz it's not very practical...
Me: You shouldn't listen to what they say. I took mostly technical classes at college but now I wish I had taken more liberal arts stuff. Besides, the most useful stuff in life you learn outside of school...

We walk outside, by this time I was talking about traveling. It's one of my default talking points, because I've been to a lot of places and usually I can find something interesting to share. So we talk and walk... then she was like, "um... where are we going?" I was so busy talking, I didn't actually think to much about that. Time for me to wear some pants and make a decision.

Me: I want to sit down. Let's go to Union Square and sit on the steps.

So I lead the way. At this point we were talking about what we were like in high school. Not a favorite talking point of mine, but I'm being genuine, so it works. We get to the steps on union squre and we sit down.

I'm almost at a point where I feel like we're running out of things to say. We haven't connected on too much stuff at this point. I threw a lot of stuff on the wall, but somehow, something was still missing. So I decided to up the ante a bit.

Me: So, are you seeing anyone?
Her: uh... yeah, I'm kind of seeing someone (avoiding eye contact)
Me: I'm curious, how did you meet him?
Her: Well... he's a juggler. We started out as friends, but then somehow we became a little more than friends...
Me: I think that's cool... I'm always interested in how people meet...the last girl I dated I met her at a picnic... blah blah

So I told her about my relationship situation... and how I was in 1 year on-and-off relationship with this girl I really liked that finally ended a little over a month ago. And that's when we connected. Because right after, she started opening up about how she got really messed up by a previous relationship. I actually felt the energy between us change. It turns out we learned the same thing at the end of our relationships... and that was cool. Well, that opened up a lot of things for us to talk about. We exchanged #s.

Then I decided to end on the high note, and go meet up with the other PUAs. I walked with her a bit as she was heading home... then I saw PandaMan, thelearningcurve, and whim pass me. I said goodbye to her at the next intersection and she came up and hugged me. That was kinda nice.

That night, I sent her a txt. Nothing fancy, just that I enjoyed running into her and wished her luck in her quest for a halloween costume.

Yesterday, i got a reply back. That was a solid close. I know, I know, I didn't get my dick sucked... but it's my choice what I want to do from here. I can keep her as a friend, or move a bit further. In any case, I made a new friend... and she's pretty interesting. I fulfilled my mission for that day.

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What I learned/did well

• I genuinely connected with another human being... and I gave value to her and she gave value back to me. That felt good.


• Connect on emotional level... and making statements about me.


• Connection takes a little time. I have to be willing to throw stuff out there and let it catch... can't do it in 30 seconds, try 30 minutes instead.


• I realized that sometimes it feels like the set isn't going anywhere, but it actually is... just really slowly. I'm new at PU, and my sets are slow right now, but it doesn't mean I'm not on the right path. It just means I haven't found the short cuts yet.

What I need to do better

• More kino damn it!

Hamster on a Treadmill tonight

Went out tonight with a bunch of guys from the lair. I must admit, I had a pretty shitty night. Despite my best efforts, I realized I wasn't having any fun.

It's unusual for me to not have any fun these days. Last weekend I went out too and I was really feeling it. All the sets felt natural, even when they weren't going well. Today, I was really in my head, and I think I know why.

I got too focused on my 'sticking point', which is escalation. The more I focused on it, the more pissed I got, and the harder I pushed in that direction. Suddenly, I was no longer talking with girls because I liked them, but I talked to them because I want to get over my sticking point. I felt like a hamster on a treadmill. I ran and ran, but stay in the same place. I got frustrated. My night was ruined and I went home early.

You know what, escalation is a problem for everyone learning this stuff. I'm not special, and I'm not going to fix it in one night. Expecting it to magically go away is just asking for trouble. I need to do what I always did well: have fun, be genuine, then add a little bit of sexual aggression at a time. And I'm going to ask for help.

I'm going to take a shower, then meditate. That usually will set me straight.

ps. I'm renaming 'sticking point' to AFI: areas for improvement. Thinking of it as a sticking point is really counter productive for me.

1-Minute Phone Close & Flaking

I was out doing daygame today with Whim and PandaMan. The weather was really cold and not a lot of people were out. We had a really shortage of HBs to work with.

I've found that once I warm up, I have no problem with opening, hooking, and plowing. Today I ended up with 1 #close, 1 @close and 1 FB-close. But I actually felt pretty crappy about them right now, because none of them feel solid.

All the closes happened in about a minute. Direct opener, got the set hooked, plowing, tried time-bridging, ended with the close. The #close was a 2-set of girls crossing the street; the HB was with her friend who was visiting from out of town. The @close was a German flight attendant leaving the same night but will be back again in a month. The FB-close was a persian girl who went to Berkeley business school for undergrad.

All of these have the same pattern. It must have been impressive to watch because it happened so fast and everything seem to work beautifully. But in reality, they will probably all be flakes. I had no time to isolate and connect. None of them got to know much about me, and I feel like I know nothing about them. It sucks. When I came back, I didn't even feel like following up with them. This can't be good.

How can I establish connection in such a short amount of time in the street? I can't even send a properly enticing text message to follow up, cuz I know next to nothing about her. It's definitely something I have to focus on. I forgot to make a little note of what I wanted to do today when I went out. I must remember next time.

Someone found a really good daygame video. I really need to learn from this.

FR: GSF and 1st Ever Instadate

So at GSF last Sunday, there were two sets of interest:

Set 1

In the mall, saw a HB8.5 walk by us. My first thought: wow. My second thought: she's too young. I actually had a moment of hesitation, murmured to my team "I think she's too young"... but then I thought fuck it... if I don't open, I'll never find out. So I run after her, tap on the arm, plant my feet firmly on the ground, direct opener. I'm actually getting better at stopping moving sets.

She was a bit startled. I detected an accent, asked where she's from. Norway. Awesome... I start on my story of going to Sweden and meeting a group of Norwegian girls in Stockholm. So, we were standing there, talking for maybe 30 seconds. I decide to instadate.

Me: hey, let's go grab a coffee and we can sit down and chat.
Her: uh... I don't like coffee.
Me: Okay... tea then...
Her: uh... but I have to meet my friends, blah blah
Me: Sure... tea will take like five minutes...
Her: okay

I'm glad I was persistent in pushing for the instadate. Before I would've given up at the first sign of resistance. But as I get to know female psychology a bit better, it seems they just have these little voices that raises random concerns. As long as I hold a strong frame and just brush those concerns aside, I'm good to go.

So she actually end up calling her friends and telling them that she's gonna be late. I lead her downstairs to the food court level... ah ha... Jamba Juice. Better than tea. So I order, she orders, and I pay for both. She was reaching into her purse, gave me this look and I just smiled and said, "you can buy me a cookie later."

We grab our drinks and I lead her out, not to a table, but to a ledge of sorts right under the stairs. This way, I can sit right next to her. I do, and I make sure we're close enough that my leg touchs hers. Then I just vibe. Her first question to me was "how old are you?" I make her guess... she guess 22. Then I tell her the truth. I ask for her age, she tells me to guess. I guess right on the money. 19.

I just do a lot of connection and rapport. I told her stories about my travels in Europe, then I talk about all the places I lived... at the same time, I tried my best to kino escalate. Hand on knee... shoulders... wrist etc. The whole time, I'm just being authentic and genuine. In hindsight, I could've used more banter. But at the same time, I was also pretty relaxed, IMHO, so I just said what came to my mind.

Now comes the fun part... I decided to kiss close. Now, all this time, when she's talking she looks at me with her big beautiful blue eyes... so I had to go for it. One arm holding her around the waist... then I lean in...

Her: (leans back) what are you doing?
Me: (with a smile) I'm trying to kiss you.
Her: Uh... why?
Me: Because I think you're beautiful
Her: But... I'm kind of seeing somebody...
Me: Really?  You have a boyfriend and you didn't tell me? (with a smirk... not accusatory)
Her: Well... he's not my boyfriend... blah blah
Me: Okay....

I pull back. Honestly, I was shaken for a few seconds... but... I went right back to comfort and connection. More DHV stories etc. We finish our drinks, we get up... go to a store... she wants to buy me my cookie. So, instead I pick out a peach (tasted horrible btw). I #close her when we're in the checkout line. She made a point of telling me that her phone isn't set up to do txt msgs yet, so I have to call her. We walk out... I hug her then I eject.

A few hours later, back at home, I call her number. She picks up.

Me: Hey... thanks for the peach
Her: haha... you're welcome
Me: Have fun in Vegas next week (she told me she's going to vegas)
Her: Thanks....
Me: Gimme a call next time you're in SF... let's hang out...
Her: okay....

Set 2

HB8 single set. I run after her, tap on the arms... direct opener and stops her dead in her tracks. I notice that she is really cute (brunette) and she seems very surprised by my direct opener.

Me: Doesn't this happen all the time?
Her: Uh... no
Me: Well... that's just so wrong.  So... what's your story?
Her: I don't know if you want to hear my story... it's kind of boring (DLV #1)
Me: Why don't you tell me... and let me decide...
Her: I'm a teacher... i teach 3rd grade.
Me: I think that's awesome... blah blah blah (her eyes light up)

Anyways, we just stand there and talk. A bit later she DLVs herself again.

Me: (I was talking about how I went to lovefest and had a great time...) So, did you go to lovefest?
Her: No... I went to a professional development conference in blah blah blah... I know, it's not terribly interesting... blah blah (DLV #2)
Me: Well... as long as it's interesting to you.  You obviously take your job seriously... so I think it's cool.

At this point I begin to feel a little silly just standing there and talking... so I try instadate again.

Me: Hey... why don't we grab some coffee and keep chatting...
Her: Well... I was on my way back to the car. I'm meeting my boyfriend and some of his friends to go see the bluegrass festival... but I don't know what the logistics are for that...

HUH? She used the word "logistics"? Who besides PUAs talk like that?

And more to the point, she has a boyfriend but she still stood there and talked with me for the past I don't know how long (it felt like a long time... minutes and minutes at least). I don't get it... am I giving off the "I just want a friend vibe?" My opener is pretty damned direct... I'm not quite sure she could've misread my intentions. But then again, no one else was there to observe the interaction... and my observation is obviously biased. So, needless to say, I'm confused.

With that, I didn't plough anymore... and I just let her go. In retrospect... I should've still pushed for the instadate like I did for the previous set. If anything just to find out what the hell was on her mind... maybe she's bored with her relationship... maybe she just want to disclose that she has a bf... or maybe I am really coming across as the guy who says, "I think you're really beautiful and I just want to be friends with you" to random strangers.

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What I did well

• stopping sets


• ploughing through to get my first instadate


• pushing through the awkwardness after the rejected kiss attempt

What I need to do better

• push every set to the max... I think I let the second set go too easily


• I shouldn't be shaken at all by the rejected kiss attempt... and I should've tried the "kiss without touching" technique afterwards


• more sexual vibe... or at least SOI with sexy

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But at the end of the day, I had a lot of fun... and learned a few important things. So, I'm happy with my progress; now I just need more calibration.