FR: Unexpected Instadate

Today I didn't even want to go out, but I ended up going with PandaMan to the Apple Store. On the way back, we stopped by Borders. There wasn't much going on, but I ended up talking with a few people along the way, a sort of warm up, if you will. I got myself an iced tea and chatted with PandaMan. Just about when we were ready to go, I saw a really cute brunette (HB8) waiting for her coffee. I was sitting at the time, so I opened her with "I like your boots". She smiled and said thanks.

I told PandaMan to give me 5 minutes, and I'll meet him downstairs, which never ended up happening. I went over to the girl and reopened her. She immediately became very interesting to me. She has with her a copy of the Economist and a book titled Girls with Douchebags. We started talking about that... and it hooked right away. The opener was indirect (both times), but I immediately established direct interest (with the ur-cute-whats-ur-story line).

There's some vibe about her that just made it so comfortable to talk with her. I think she felt it too... we were talking, laughing and it was a lot of solid connection. Too bad she's from So-Cal and visiting just until Saturday. And it was immediately apparent to me that she is really smart, she said a lot of intelligent things. We spent a lot of time just standing up and talking, letting the conversation flow. It didn't even occur to me that it was awkward just standing there, until she said something about she needed to put her drinks down. We ended up finding a table and we sat there and talked for the next hour.

We talked about just about everything. I asked her early on what her relationship situation is and she told me that she recently got out of a 4 year long term relationship. Then I opened up about getting out of my 1 year on-again-off-again relationship that really screwed me over. I really liked talking with her, and it felt really honest and genuine, that connection. It was fucking cool to be able to just vibe with someone so honestly.

But I had a major problem. I didn't know where I want to take the interaction while I was there in the moment. She is definitely someone I would want to date, but since she's here only until Saturday, and I'll be busy for most of that time, I didn't know what I wanted. I felt like the interaction had to end, and I ended it after connecting with her for an hour. The ending felt more awkward than anything else. I did #-close her and fb-close her, but to what end? I didn't know.

Now that I had an hour to reflect on it, I know I should have pushed it much further. Just go to dinner; get drinks; venue bounce. I know all the theories, but it seems in the moment, I couldn't think of them. It would be much easier after so much vibe with her, just to get her to transition to something, somewhere else. I didn't capitalize on it... and that was a big lesson. I should be ready to pull at any time, and not doing it, is all in my head. All of it.

Another few other things I noticed. I had trouble holding eye-contact... I need to really work on that. Sometimes I feel I would get too drawn in, into her beauty, if I looked into her eyes. At the end of the day, I'm still not used to beauty... not yet. Also, I needed to ask more questions. I think the problem is that she found out more about me than I did about her. It should be more-or-less balanced and I didn't ask enough open ended questions to really let her shine. Lastly, while the conversation flowed, it was a bit unbalanced. What I mean by that is, I was really into the topics that I wanted to talk about, but I was a lot less connected with what she was talking about. I think the open-ended question would help in this situation. Also, just talk and listen... I tended to want to fill the void with conversation, instead of just letting the void be there.

But, the self-deprecating aside, it did feel good to be able to connect with an awesome person like that. It's been awhile since I had my last instadate and it is getting easier, much easier. And it's always good to know that there's smart, cute, and funny girls in So-Cal. Makes my heart warm in such cold gloomy weather.