LA Reflections

I think it's a good idea to write a reflection piece after FRs. This takes place when I'm more calm, out of the moment, and I can reflect on what I did well and what I should work on. So, thinking back to what I did last weekend in LA...

First, what I did well.

I pushed. I pushed harder than I have ever before. I kinoed. I kinoed girls everywhere, arms around shoulder, waist, holding hands. It felt a lot more natural than in previous times. I also realized I became more relaxed. I started noticing small details that I didn't before, and that gave me a huge advantage. For example, I noticed that the girl I met in the elevator and the girl with the brother both gave me positive signals, and I was able to amplify them accordingly. Over all, I was way more relaxed than I ever was, and I was totally in the zone.

Now, what I need to improve.

I need to push harder (still). I didn't push for any makeouts in the club, and I should have. Why didn't I? That was dumb. Also, I need to get better at getting D2s. Although it really didn't apply to the situation in LA because I was there for such a short time. The girls I #closed, I was able to get them to txt back. But due to various logistics reasons, no D2s resulted.

FR: 1 night in LA, 3 #closes.

Something clicked in me since my last field work.

Saturday morning, I met a girl (HB9.5) at the elevators of the hotel. I opened her before I even saw her face (situational, on her hat). We kept talking as we got in the elevator. She told me that she's going to the La Brea Tar Pits to see fossils and she immediately DLV'd herself by saying that she's a bit of a dork. I immediately SOI'd her: "Ah, you're into science. I think that's really cool." (I broke my own promise, in that I didn't say the word sexy... I'm still working on that). Somehow I felt that she's a bit into me. She wanted to talk to me, and kept offering info, like she's from Ohio and here by herself etc. The interaction was so brief, I kicked myself afterwards for not closing.

Luckily (I'm the luckiest person I know), I ran into her in the evening in the elevator again. I immediately number closed her (we kept the elevator door open until I finished). I wasn't able to get her to join me at the club later in the night, but we started txting. Maybe I'll have something more to report by tomorrow. I wanted to push for sometime so I can run more attraction and connection...

We went to Les Deux, apparently the hottest club in LA. I was on fire, and it really helped that we booked a table. I opened a lot of sets. Some didn't go so well, but I kept going until I was warmed up. One set two sisters, opened really well (situational, then banter). I told them they looked cool and I wanted to talk to them and entertain them for awhile. They said they've been waiting for someone to do that cuz they're tired of talking to eachother (I immediately said I was going to charge them for this service, and they laughed). I nicknamed them Sugar (HB7) and Spice (HB7) and told them to fight it out who's who, they loved it. After I found out that sugar worked at a bank and handles their M&A deals, I told her I was going to pump her for information, because I'm James Bond (they ate it up). It was spice's 21st birthday, and I charmed sugar enough that she basically pushed her sister to give me her number.

Then I saw a couple, and I immediately opened the guy. I had no idea why I did it, but I was on a roll. My BL was such that I was turned slightly away from her, toward the guy. Something didn't feel right because I would talk to the guy and the girl (HBsmart, 8) would always try to jump in the conversation to make a comment. It turns out they were brother and sister. SHIT people... this is why you talk to EVERYONE. I left them for a bit, and caught up with them later. I asked the brother if it's okay that I danced with the sister, he was more than happy if she wanted to, and yes she did. So I lead them to the area of my table, and called in my pivot. I introduced her to the set and she started to chat up the brother, while I isolated HBsmart. It turns out that this girl is really smart (she does cancer research) and she feels a bit out of place in this kind of club, and I immediately hit up on that. I told her I find it sexy that she's into science. I danced with her, then sat her down, kinoed like crazy, arms around her shoulders, waist, held her hand, etc. I #closed her and made plans with her to hang out in the day, doing something more chill, less crazy. She warned me that she's "kind of" seeing someone at the moment, and she added, "just so that I'm completely honest about it"... I said ok. She stayed with me for awhile, then ran off with her brother. At one point her brother lost her and I found her again, and brought her back to her brother (I won so many points this night... it's crazy). Anyways, I'm looking forward to hanging out with her tomorrow.

The night went by so fast and I'm not tired at all. That was definitely one of the best clubbing experience of my life. I've become much more relaxed talking to sets that I've started to notice little things on the spot.

Peeking out of my shell

I'm dead tired right now, but I need to write this down before sleep snatches me away.

I just went out with Derek and Dan for another round of field work. This time, we went to happy hour, a kind of mixture of day and night game that I actually ended up liking a lot. I met Dan once before about a year ago and I recall really liking his approach to PU, and it was a pleasure to be instructed by him.

This isn't a field report, so I won't go into details about what I did or said, instead I'll just distill some of the highlights of what I learned. It was an eye opener and I think I made a few small breakthroughs.

1. Statements instead of questions.

I have a tendency to ask too many questions at the beginning of the interaction. It's the main (possibly the only) reason that I stall out on so many sets. Especially if the question is just a gimmick that I'm using to talk to them, and I really don't give a fuck about (eg. "what are you drinking"). Dan saw this immediately and gave me a mission: go into a set and not ask a single question. It was much harder than it sounds, and I needed a few tries to even get close.

2. Don't worry about saying anything interesting.

Interesting is a value judgement, which I should be applying to her, instead of applying it to me on her behalf. Dan gave me an example, where he took 3 items from my shopping list (bananas, vitamin water, and kettle chips) and made it interesting. That was fucking amazing. After I stopped caring if what I said was interesting, it became so much easier to talk. My interactions got noticeably better.

3. SOI: tell her she's sexy.

I really don't do that enough (or at all). So Dan challenged me to approach a girl and just straight out tell her that I think she's sexy. It was about an hour and half outside of my comfort zone, but I went in and did it. She lit up, and we ended up having a pretty decent conversation. Then later in different sets, I worked in the SOI after talking for a bit.

After incorporating these things into my interactions, I got better (shocking, I know). I didn't notice it at the time, but I actually stayed in the sets longer and had deeper connection with them. I was honest with who I am, and it came out really natural. The kino was still a bit awkward to me, and I was challenged by Dan to kino girls, but everytime I touch them, it had to be different... different body part, different way, etc. I still don't think I quite got it, but there were two occasions when the girls kinoed me.

The SOI is still a sticking point. So I'm going to promise myself one thing. Every set that I approach from now on, if there is a girl that I find attractive, I'm going to find some non-obvious trait about her that I like, I'll qualify trait and then SOI. I'll even use the same adjective everytime: sexy.

I think I finally peeked out of my shell. Now I just have to step out of it for good. It's so weird that I have to unlearn so many things just so I can be myself. But now that I tried it, there really is no going back.

FR: Lone wolf on a saturday night

I went out last night by myself. None of my friends wanted to go out but I didn't want to stay home and waste a saturday night.

I hit one of my favorite bars in the city. I was in a pretty good state, walked around the block once and warmed up on a bouncer and two girls on the street.

There were two sets that were of interest the whole night.

The first, a 2-set that I met almost immediately after I got there. She, HB5, was sitting on a stool and looking at messages on her phone and I opened situationally. I felt a bit awkward as I had not much to say. I qualified her by asking her to tell me one interesting thing about her. She said that she had 2 kids, which completely threw me off. I made an awkward joke, wasn't funny, then plowed past it (I should've rewarded her instead, in retrospect). Her friend, HB6, came back with the drinks and I introduced myself immediately and talked to her for a bit. Then I eject.

I caught up with them later at the bar, in a much quieter place. So I was able to run a bit of connection. HB5 asked me to tell her something interesting about me. I told her I'm taking flying lessons and told her the story of how I've always wanted to be a pilot since I was a kid. Then HB6 came and she told me that she moved to Seattle on a whim after college. I tried to amplify, qualifying her as adventurous, etc.

The second set, HBnaughty (8) was wearing booty shorts and glasses. I immediately commented to the group that she looked like a naughty school girl. The group laughed and HBnaughty thought that I was with the group to begin with (it turns out she and her friend just met the guys). To her friend, HBblonde (7.5), I commented that she looked like Britney Spears, and she was a bit annoyed, saying "why does everyone say that?". I didn't know how to handle that at the time, so I just left it.

Then I lost the set. The other guy, who was with a larger group and was talking with them earlier, came in and hooked the set. HBnaughty was kinoing him. I introduced myself to the guy and we got the girls to the dance floor but they walked the other guy around in a circle and came back out. I got confused and since the set wasn't hooked to me anyways, I dropped out.

Both sets called me out, asking who I was there with. To which I had no good answer. The first set, I just lied and said that I had friends coming. The second set, I grabbed HBnaughty and said, "I'm with you baby..." and she laughed. That's probably when I lost the set, come to think of it.

A few things in summary:

+ a little rapport goes a long way. The first set remembered me after the rapport session, and I ended up dancing with them on the dance floor a bit later. But since I didn't run attraction successfully, nothing came out of it.

- I don't know how to pick up large sets on the dance floor.

- Need to push the naughty school girl thread a bit further: "you look like you just stepped out a porn movie..." etc, lots of material to work through there (she was wearing a pearl necklace for godsake).

- Handle negative reaction better. She: "why does everyone think I look like britney spears?" Me: "because it's true... honey, get used to it. You're not wearing underwear right?..."

- Handle being called out at a bar alone. Maybe I should just come clean: "yes... I'm here by myself... (grin) easier to have a ONS that way (wink)."

Next time I'm going to try harder to look for wings. Since I'm still new to the community, I'll have to find a few guys to go out and practice with.

Push, push, and push more

I have done two in-field work with Dennis and Derek, one night game and one day game. I've gotten similar feedback from both.

I need to push harder.

I can approach, and come across as social and friendly. But I need to be sexual. In the words of Derek, "You have to make her feel uncomfortable. Push until she tells you to stop."

I want to be liked (who doesn't?). As a result, I've always played it safe. I talk about safe topics, make safe jokes, kino her on safe places (sometimes not at all). It takes a lot out of me to open and banter with an attractive girl for the first time at a bar, that I just don't want to screw it up.

But that's exactly what I must do. I have to be willing to be blown out. In fact, I'll learn a lot from blow outs and nothing from friendly conversations. I'm not out at bars to make friends. I don't know these people. They mean nothing to me. Just because I started talking with them, doesn't mean they'll have to like me. So I have to push the interaction into the sexual territory.

I need to tell her she's naughty and need to be spanked. I need to touch her beyond her arms. Hold her hand, touch her neck, inner thigh, and linger a bit longer than I feel comfortable with. I need to incorporate sexual innuendos in conversations (not so good at that yet, but trying), and I need to be blown out a lot more. A lot more.

Introductions

I turned 26 this month. I think there is a birthday for everyone, when it finally hits home: I'm getting old. 26 happened to be that birthday for me. I started looking back at my life, and tried to think about what I would have done differently. There wasn't much. I went to all the right schools, I have great friends, I love my career, and I've made decent money along the way. But there's one thing that I haven't mastered: women.

I love women. I've always admired their beauty, lusted at their sexuality, and longed for their companionship. And I've always been disappointed. My relationships with women have been unsatisfying for the most part. I never had a girlfriend in high school and only one for all of college. I never had the sex that I've always wanted, because she wasn't into it and I never knew how to get it. I'm awkward around women, and I always end up spending the night alone.

A year and a half ago, I discovered the PUA community. It was during one of the lowest points of my life and a desperate google search brought me to the Pickup 101 website. What I read amazed me. It made perfect sense. Not only was I not completely helpless, there is a system of behavior that I could learn to become better with women: get dates, get laid, and get fulfilling relationships. I started to apply some of the techniques I had read and got immediate results. I remember my first #close. It was on the bus, my heart was racing at a million miles an hour, but it worked. She never called back, but I've never done anything like that before, and I was hooked.

But the path to becoming James Bond was harder than I imagined. There were so many bad behaviors and psychological barriers that I internalized over the years. I would make improvements, then hit a wall and fall back. I'm tired of retreating.

So last month, I decided to take a workshop and ask for help from the professionals. I've been working with Derek and Dennis from Social Savant, and learning from them. I'm starting this blog to document my journey, and perhaps in some distant future, when I'm happily married, I could look back and see the path I traced for myself.