Lost Opportunities and the Moment

There are two areas that I want to improve in the next few weeks.

First, I've let too many opportunities pass. I know life gives us only a limited number of opportunities, each is precious and not to be wasted. Letting it go, is worse than fucking up. It is giving up. During day game last Saturday, I should have been more aggressive in pursuing these opportunities. Also, when I got the phone # of the stripper before Christmas, I shouldn't have waited until after New Years to call her. She doesn't remember me anymore, and this is a perfect opportunity wasted.

So I'm going to exploit all opportunities. Open sets that I want to open, even if I don't feel quite right. After sets hook, escalate the interaction until it can't go any further. No more excuses; no more slacking.

Second, I think I'm a bit intimidated by the moment. A lot of the time, I'm not living in the here-and-now. My thoughts wander to the past or the future at the most critical of times. I'm not prepared for the intensity of the moment and the pressure gets to me. For example, when I called the HBStripper the first time, I was expecting to get to voicemail and I know what I was going to say. But I wasn't prepared when she actually picked up the phone. I think deep down, I panicked and I left the moment. The interaction wasn't optimal. The second time I called her, I expected her to pick up, but it went to voicemail instead. Again, I wasn't prepared, thoughts ran through my head that had nothing to do with the moment. I left a message that was rushed and not what I wanted. Again, I crumbled under the moment.

What I'm going to do is live more in the moment. I'm going to focus, mediate, and train myself to stay in the moment, until it no longer intimidate me. This is probably harder of the two goals, but I'll take it one small step at a time. Eventually I want to be able to "be myself" in the moment; live it, breath it, and swim in it.

Some days, it's hard work. Somedays, it's just hard.