Becoming Bond

Lost Opportunities and the Moment

2009-01-05T22:46:00.001-08:00

There are two areas that I want to improve in the next few weeks.

First, I've let too many opportunities pass. I know life gives us only a limited number of opportunities, each is precious and not to be wasted. Letting it go, is worse than fucking up. It is giving up. During day game last Saturday, I should have been more aggressive in pursuing these opportunities. Also, when I got the phone # of the stripper before Christmas, I shouldn't have waited until after New Years to call her. She doesn't remember me anymore, and this is a perfect opportunity wasted.

So I'm going to exploit all opportunities. Open sets that I want to open, even if I don't feel quite right. After sets hook, escalate the interaction until it can't go any further. No more excuses; no more slacking.

Second, I think I'm a bit intimidated by the moment. A lot of the time, I'm not living in the here-and-now. My thoughts wander to the past or the future at the most critical of times. I'm not prepared for the intensity of the moment and the pressure gets to me. For example, when I called the HBStripper the first time, I was expecting to get to voicemail and I know what I was going to say. But I wasn't prepared when she actually picked up the phone. I think deep down, I panicked and I left the moment. The interaction wasn't optimal. The second time I called her, I expected her to pick up, but it went to voicemail instead. Again, I wasn't prepared, thoughts ran through my head that had nothing to do with the moment. I left a message that was rushed and not what I wanted. Again, I crumbled under the moment.

What I'm going to do is live more in the moment. I'm going to focus, mediate, and train myself to stay in the moment, until it no longer intimidate me. This is probably harder of the two goals, but I'll take it one small step at a time. Eventually I want to be able to "be myself" in the moment; live it, breath it, and swim in it.

Some days, it's hard work. Somedays, it's just hard.

One set that makes it all worthwhile

2009-01-02T22:00:00.001-08:00

On NYE, I went out with whim to a dance party on the Embarcadero. The goal was more to have fun rather than game. Two reasons, I'm not all that interested in pulling drunk sluts at the moment and pulling on NYE is way too much pressure. I could do without either, so I went out to have fun. And it was fun.

But once you start on the PUA road, there is no turning back... not really. So we opened as many sets as we could. It was surprisingly easy to open sets in that venue. Most sets didn't go anywhere, some sets almost went somewhere, but my skills at night game still needs a lot of work. Namely, I'm still not comfortable with aggressive kino. But that's another story for another time. What I wanted to write about is one particular set, one particular girl, that once again reminded me why I'm on this bumpy road.

She's a blonde (not much of a surprise here), and she looks a lot like Rachel McAddams. I opened her group but couldn't quite hook; she kept getting lead off by her friends. Finally I did corner her and asked for her "story". She bet me a dollar that I wouldn't have heard of her job. Of course, I took her on. Turns out, she's a genetic counsellor. I guess she's used to getting hit on by less intelligent types. I was very impressed, in turn I impressed her a bit with what I knew. She was hooked and I SOI'd. Then I asked for her relationship situation. She and her friends laughed, then showed me her engagement ring.

But this is exactly why I wanted to be a PUA. A few months ago I would not have had the skill to do that, to take destiny into my own hands and leave no stones unturned. Interacting with her, even if nothing happened, is exactly what I live for. Finding a girl that is sexy and smart in this world, is like hunting for diamonds in a coal mine. But getting close like this tells me it's not impossible, in fact, it's very probable. I just have to keep putting myself out there.

This year is going to be awesome.

FR: OMG Austin is so fun

2008-12-27T23:22:00.001-08:00

I can't believe I lived in Austin for 5 years and was too hopeless of an AFC to have fun on 6th Street. I went back Friday night to show my cousin around and man, what a difference.

The night started pretty slow, and as a matter of fact, it was pretty slow overall because the college crowd were mostly out of town. But the girls in Austin were super easy to open. I had an astonishing 90% hooking rate with the sets I opened... and all the girls were gorgeous.

Warm up was at a bar full of dudes. I spied a 3-set of girls that took seats on stools around a table. The live band was really loud, so I waited until they finished before I opened. Opener was rather mundane, and it was just banter and chatting about what to do, got a bit personal. Pretty soon I ran out of stuff to say, and I asked too many questions. But the thing is, girls in Austin are super polite, even when they don't want to talk to you anymore. So it never feels awkward.

Bounced to The Library, and I was still feeling cold. I saw a two set, one girl really cute. After some hesitation, I went up and opened. Again, lame opener, but the set hooked. Turns out the girls are from California, so I had a lot to talk to them about. It was nice friendly conversation, but nothing too edgy. The girls are sisters, and the cute one lives in Austin now and "kind-of seeing" somebody. I decided not to pursue much further.

Then I opened direct on a blonde sitting in a booth with 4 of her friends. Again, it opened nicely, and even when she didn't want to talk (logistics made it impossible to isolate), she was super nice. That really warmed me up.

The best set of the night was outside. A 6-set of girls, one of them wearing a sash. I ran up and said happy birthday, she turned around and told me it wasn't her birthday. She's getting married.

Me: Oh... congratulations. So did you guys make a list?
Her: A list?
Me: Yeah, you know, a list of things you have to do before you get married tomorrow.
Girl Friend 1: No... we don't have a list.
Me: Okay, I'll start the list for you... let's see... you have to get 3 out of state phone numbers from strangers.
Girl Friend 2: Oh, this is fun...
Me: (turning to the girl next to me) Now you come up with one...

So we went around the circle and I had each of the girls make one item of the list. They were super into it and the bride-to-be was having a blast. She asked me if I wanted to tag along, while she completed the list, so I said alright. In retrospect, it would've been a lot better if I had a wing or two with me. One of her friends was really cute, but I couldn't isolate and it was too chaotic. I did see her complete every item on the list though, and I left the set because they were all underaged and I couldn't get them into any bars.

Opened a tall hot brunette (hottest girl I opened all night) in a loud hip-hop bar. Again, super nice, huge smile when I opened her. Couldn't talk much with the loud music and she was soon swallowed by her huge group of guy friends.

Lastly went to Pure, a very swanky dance club. And I discovered how easy it is just to go up and dance with girls in Austin. They are super friendly, I got to dance, kino and grind with some really cute girls. It was super fun.

Early on I spotted a two set, HBtall and HBhot. HBhot was on the dance floor getting mobbed by guys, and HBtall, I noticed was wearing a big diamond on her wedding finger. It was a while before I got next to HBtall and I started talking with her.

Me: (seeing she was standing there watching the dance floor) So, why aren't you in there dancing with your husband?
HBtall: ha... my husband is at home.
Me: Oh... he's no fun at all.
HBtall: But my recently single girlfriend is in there having a blast, making out with all the guys.

So we started talking and it turns out her friend HBhot is going through a divorce and wanted to come out and have a bit of fun (ie. external validation), and HBtall was there to make sure she didn't go home with an asshole. I basically charmed HBtall. But I had difficulties getting to HBhot because she was surrounded by guys all making out with her. I didn't want to become a part of that. I did however run into them outside and introduced myself. But I had no idea how to proceed with the PU at that point, and logistics made it impossible.

That night was a lot of fun. I think if I stayed in Austin longer, my night game will improve by leaps and bounds. The environment makes everything super easy, but the logistics this time was difficult. I didn't do a lot of things right, among them, I should have been a bit more aggressive on the dance floor. I should have kino-escalated to making out, but I didn't know how to do that without having established some sort of rapport (I basically opened on the dance floor and just proceeded to dancing with them).

My focus right now is still daygame, but if anytime I wanted to have fun at night or improve my night game, there's always Austin.

FR: Unexpected Instadate

2008-12-18T18:45:00.001-08:00

Today I didn't even want to go out, but I ended up going with PandaMan to the Apple Store. On the way back, we stopped by Borders. There wasn't much going on, but I ended up talking with a few people along the way, a sort of warm up, if you will. I got myself an iced tea and chatted with PandaMan. Just about when we were ready to go, I saw a really cute brunette (HB8) waiting for her coffee. I was sitting at the time, so I opened her with "I like your boots". She smiled and said thanks.

I told PandaMan to give me 5 minutes, and I'll meet him downstairs, which never ended up happening. I went over to the girl and reopened her. She immediately became very interesting to me. She has with her a copy of the Economist and a book titled Girls with Douchebags. We started talking about that... and it hooked right away. The opener was indirect (both times), but I immediately established direct interest (with the ur-cute-whats-ur-story line).

There's some vibe about her that just made it so comfortable to talk with her. I think she felt it too... we were talking, laughing and it was a lot of solid connection. Too bad she's from So-Cal and visiting just until Saturday. And it was immediately apparent to me that she is really smart, she said a lot of intelligent things. We spent a lot of time just standing up and talking, letting the conversation flow. It didn't even occur to me that it was awkward just standing there, until she said something about she needed to put her drinks down. We ended up finding a table and we sat there and talked for the next hour.

We talked about just about everything. I asked her early on what her relationship situation is and she told me that she recently got out of a 4 year long term relationship. Then I opened up about getting out of my 1 year on-again-off-again relationship that really screwed me over. I really liked talking with her, and it felt really honest and genuine, that connection. It was fucking cool to be able to just vibe with someone so honestly.

But I had a major problem. I didn't know where I want to take the interaction while I was there in the moment. She is definitely someone I would want to date, but since she's here only until Saturday, and I'll be busy for most of that time, I didn't know what I wanted. I felt like the interaction had to end, and I ended it after connecting with her for an hour. The ending felt more awkward than anything else. I did #-close her and fb-close her, but to what end? I didn't know.

Now that I had an hour to reflect on it, I know I should have pushed it much further. Just go to dinner; get drinks; venue bounce. I know all the theories, but it seems in the moment, I couldn't think of them. It would be much easier after so much vibe with her, just to get her to transition to something, somewhere else. I didn't capitalize on it... and that was a big lesson. I should be ready to pull at any time, and not doing it, is all in my head. All of it.

Another few other things I noticed. I had trouble holding eye-contact... I need to really work on that. Sometimes I feel I would get too drawn in, into her beauty, if I looked into her eyes. At the end of the day, I'm still not used to beauty... not yet. Also, I needed to ask more questions. I think the problem is that she found out more about me than I did about her. It should be more-or-less balanced and I didn't ask enough open ended questions to really let her shine. Lastly, while the conversation flowed, it was a bit unbalanced. What I mean by that is, I was really into the topics that I wanted to talk about, but I was a lot less connected with what she was talking about. I think the open-ended question would help in this situation. Also, just talk and listen... I tended to want to fill the void with conversation, instead of just letting the void be there.

But, the self-deprecating aside, it did feel good to be able to connect with an awesome person like that. It's been awhile since I had my last instadate and it is getting easier, much easier. And it's always good to know that there's smart, cute, and funny girls in So-Cal. Makes my heart warm in such cold gloomy weather.

FR: #-closed a stripper in the mall

2008-12-13T19:04:00.001-08:00

This story is more funny than anything else.

I was doing daygame in the mall with whim, coldplayer and EG. Lots of shoppers around, very chaotic and I didn't see that many HBs. I did a few sets but it was all in-then-out and not much traction. Suddenly out of nowhere this tall brunette with gorgeous set of grey eyes (8.5) appeared. I had no time to think; it was almost reflex. I stopped her and did my usual direct opener. She hooked. It turns out she's from Sacramento and looking to move to SF. So I talk talk talk... things are going well. I decide to try to instadate.

Me: You know, I donno what you have going on in the next 5 minutes, but I'm enjoying this conversation... you wanna go grab a coffee and sit down?
Her: Well... I'm in a hurry, I have to go get a hair cut and then get to work, but can I give you my number instead?
Me: You work on saturday?
Her: Yeah... I work on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday...
Me: Huh... you seem pretty career-oriented.
Her: Well... no... I'm a dancer.
Me: Oh... what company do you dance for? [In my defense, I've met a lot of dancers who dance for Alonzo King's dance company...]
Her: No not like that... I'm a stripper.

OMG I am so clueless. Anyways, I want to play it cool, but how do you play it cool after that? I didn't know, so I went with the flow

Me: Oh... okay... you know I've only been to a strip club once in my life. It was for a friend's bachelor party at Garden of Eden. (i made a face). I thought it was kinda shady...
Her: oh no... my place is not like that at all... I work on XXX street, it's very respectable, lots of business men go there and it's topless only.
Me: Oh okay...
Her: So can I give you my number?

Anyways we exchanged numbers and went our separate ways. The overall interaction is really short, and I didn't get a chance to tell her more of who I am and given my past history, this has a high chance of being a flake, so we'll see.

That was a new one for me. The plus is that I remained relaxed and calm, even tho she is really hot and I wasn't derailed by the whole stripper part of the conversation. The minus is that I didn't push harder for an instadate. So, I had to take it for what it is.

But you gotta admit, even if it's not good PU, it is at least hilarious.

End of the Year Slump

2008-12-07T22:49:00.001-08:00

For the past few weeks things has been quiet in the PU front. In fact, things has been quiet in all the fronts, not just PU. I chalk it up to a sort kind of end of the year slump, or rather lethargy on my part.

I'm not worried about the slump, because I know it will go away eventually, but if we're talking about results, it's decidedly lacking in the past few weeks. After a few day-2s in November, I haven't gotten as much as a number close until this weekend. There weren't a lot of good targets for day game, and until last night, the crowds were thin at night as well. Maybe I'm just too picky, or perhaps I'm lazy, either way, something that I need to change soon.

I forced myself to go out to the mall yesterday. I got there way late, did opened two sets, one hooked. Afterwards I decided to go read my Economist instead. Just as I was about to sit down, I run into Zakster. Being in an underground society is kinda cool when I run into these same people everywhere I go.

Finally got a set that hooked at the mall yesterday. She was reading the mall map display, I slid next to her and opened with the oldest opener I know, "you know, I could never find anything on these things". I just kept talking and she laughed. I mostly talked about me and from her eyes I knew she was hooked. A bit later her friend came over and introduced herself to me and asked me to go with them to the Hello Kitty store. I passed, but I did get a #-close. She's from Santa Barbara, so I don't expect anything, but getting the #-close did make me feel a lot better.

One thing I've noticed a bit, and whim mentioned this week about himself on the forum, is that I think my sexual drive is a bit low these days. I'm no longer driven by this urgency for sex. Now this is a double edged sword. On the one hand, I'm not needy, I have no attachments to outcomes, and my inner game is strong. On the other hand, it makes me lazy and I don't push myself as hard. So I'm going to experiment with meditation to increase my sexual desire at will, at the same time maintaining zen and inner peace. We'll see how that works out.

FR: Blow-out and redemption

2008-11-18T16:29:00.001-08:00

On saturday I went out for daygame, met up with PandaMan and Lester. It was pretty bad. There were very few worthy sets, none of them hooked. Needless to say, I didn't complete any of the items of my list that day.

Half-way through, I got one of the worst blowouts thus far. I approached two really (9.5 hot) girls. I know they're from USC 'cuz there is the Stanford vs USC game that afternoon, and union square was filled with people wearing USC paraphernalia. I tapped one on the shoulder to open her, she did not stop. The crowd was thick, and I got cut off. I tried again.

Me: Hey stop... I just
Girl 1: No thanks.
Girl 2: We know you... you say the same thing to millions of girls.
Me: Haha...

I've never been blown out doing my direct opener before. This is the first time and I didn't know how to handle it. Afterwards, I thought, maybe say something witty, like "hundreds of girls... not millions" or something even more creative. But at the time, I laughed it off, but inside I was pretty shaken.

Afterwards my roommate offered a very useful insight. These girls are probably all sorority girls, which means they talk to each other. I definitely opened a set of USC girls before them, and word must have gotten across. That made me feel a lot better, but it was only after the fact.

For the rest of the session, my calibration was way off, and I couldn't hook any sets.

I felt a bit dejected, because the last few times I was out doing daygame, I've always had an instadate. The streak was broken. PandaMan and Lester both left a bit after 5pm and I went into Borders to find a book for myself.

I saw a cute girl looking at books at the fiction section. It took me a long time before I opened her. But I did.

Me: You look like someone who reads a lot, do you have any book recommendations?
Her: (Smiles) Ha... I'm a librarian. I'm actually looking for book recommendations myself.

Well, the set hooked very nicely. We talked about books for a bit, then got into a very personal discussion. She's a grad student and we each talked about our lives to eachother. I felt she was genuinely, interested and attracted. She was asking questions about me and telling me about her. So after talking for 5 minutes, I tried to instadate.

Me: You know, I really enjoyed talking with you. You wanna grab a coffee, sit somewhere and chat?
Her: (looks around) I'm actually here with my boyfriend...
Me: Oh... okay.

I continue as if nothing has happened and keeps talking, for another few minutes. This has happened a few times now, a girl with boyfriend who seemed genuinely interested. Very weird.

Although I didn't get anywhere with that girl, I felt much better. I made her day and I learned that I had not regressed after all. I'm still a PUA.

What I learned:

Blowouts happen, even during the day. It's not me, nor is it anything that I could control

I can hook sets, venue and target choice is an important factor

What I need to do better:

Warm up faster, especially on slow days.

Don't let blowouts affect my subsequent performance. Find ways to recalibrate after blowouts.

Slay the Ego and I Shall Be Free

2008-11-13T02:29:00.001-08:00

A few hours ago, I had an emotional reaction.

I went to B's facebook page, something I haven't done in weeks. The only thing I saw, was at 3pm today (or yesterday), she changed her status from Single to In A Relationship.

This was inevitable. Whatever fantasies my subconscious may have had, my conscious mind know them to be just that. But still I felt something. I couldn't describe the feeling. It just bothered me.

It didn't feel like anger. I did feel like going to town on a punching bag, but that feeling lasted only a few seconds. It might have been jealousy, or envy, second cousins to anger. Regret? No, I've had enough time for that. At dinner, I thought maybe it's a feeling associated with my inability to forgive. I haven't forgiven her, and I have certainly not forgiven myself. But then again, the lack of forgiveness is not a feeling.

As I was walking back from my dinner, it dawned on me. What I felt was a bruised ego. I wanted to move on before she did, and she beat me to it. I wanted her to regret letting an amazing catch, me, go and she did the opposite. I gave my emotions freely to her, she gave none to me. My ego bled.

The race isn't about who will get over whom faster. In fact, there is no race. What I did yesterday is ancient history. It only matters what I do now, and who I become tomorrow. The rest, I must let go, along with my ego.

Realizing that made me feel a lot better. Sometimes it's difficult to check ego at the door, and we carry it with us inadvertently. I will be working on recognizing my hurt ego as early as possible so I can minimize the impact of this emotional reaction.

FR: Missed Makeout & Seated 6-set

2008-11-10T00:57:00.001-08:00

Went out Friday night to North Beach for a little night game. Started in Maggie McGarry's, the only problem was the place is really loud with a live band playing 80s tunes full blast. First set I opened was disastrous, but it only got better from there. Out of the dozen sets, only two had something going.

Whim, funlife and I decided to go find a quieter bar. I led them into one, which had a decent crowd. A few opens, no hook. Then I went and sat on a stool near the middle of the floor. Behind me was a 4/5 set... all dudes. I turn around and open them. One guy recognizes my tshirt, we high-5... social proof. I talk for maybe 30 seconds. I realize got the social proof I needed, I don't need to spend all night talking to dudes, so I turn around and open a 2-set of girls. Whim helps me with one girl and I take the other.

I opened situationally. My target (HB7) had two beers and I was making fun of her for doublefisting. I notice she's kinda drunk, slurring her words. Then I just talk with her, finding out where she's from, all the time making sure to make more statements than questions. At this point I'm trying to find things to connect with her. I thought I could connect to her with her career... but after awhile that doesn't seem to work. Then we hit on politics and it turns out that she's somewhat passionate in that area. Even when she's drunk, I could tell she has read a lot about that. So I escalate on that... a snippit goes like this:

Her: ... Did you know that economic growth has always been faster under democratic presidents than republican presidents?
Me: (huge smile) I love it when you talk politics to me...
Her: (laughs)
Me: ... I think that's so sexy (I pull her into me, she doesn't resist)

By this time, Whim has long ejected from the set (I have no idea why)... but HB7's friends didn't try to cockblock (yet), so I'm still isolated with my target. At this time, my target is sitting on my lap. Well.. I'm sitting on a stool, her butt is leaned on my lap, my right arms around her waist. I #close. At this point, I could've made out with her and not doing that was a huge mistake. She turned her head really close, and I think she tried to make a move but I turned away (why did I do that? I didn't recognize the moment until a split second after it happened). I should've called it out. Needless to say, I won't be making that mistake ever again... haha.

Then her friends came and they wanted to go. I got cockblocked. We kissed goodbye... but that doesn't count as making out. So, lesson learned.

After that I went next door and found whim and funlife again (they ditched me w/o saying goodbye). There weren't that many sets, and whim was isolated with a girl on the couch. I saw a table full of girls, a seated 6-set. No one approached that set the entire time I was there and they looked intimidating. So I went and opened them. The opener was pretty weak, but I guess the very act of doing it was impressive enough, so I got in. I pulled a chair, sat down, and just kept plowing... it turns out these girls are all foreign, most from Germany. My limited knowledge of German got them cracking up. But entertaining a 6-set is extremely challenging... so I picked two girls nearest me and started that way. But I made sure to get the names of all 6 girls at some point.

Logistics for this 6-set was a nightmare. The cute girls are on the otherside of the round table. At one point, I just got up, went to the otherside of the table and started to talk to them. Finding myself standing once again, I found the nearest chair and just muscled my way in. It was not as graceful as it could've been. Anyhow, eventually I found myself isolated with the cutest girl in the set HB9.

I tried to connect with HB9, but most stuff doesn't stick. Then I asked her what she does for work. Usually that's a pretty boring topic, but it turns out, HB9 is very career oriented and she loves her work. She's here for an internship that she wanted for almost 10 years. Ah ha... I SOI on that.

Me: Wow... you are a total career woman... I think that's really sexy.
Her: Really? Most men don't like that about a woman...
Me: Yeah... that's because they're not confident enough. Most guys want to be the bread winner so their women will have to be dependent on them... blah blah blah
Her: That is so true...blah... blah... blah

I schedule a D2 with her... and I @close her because she just moved to SF and doesn't have a cell # yet. Then she asked me about "dating rules" in SF, because she was in NY for 3 months and she heard about all these "dating rules" that were new to her. Awesome topic... so asked her what she learned about dating in NY and I told her my take on dating and where I would take her on dates in SF. Then she told me a very elaborate and detailed story about her horrible halloween night in NYC. This is really cool because I think SOI on something she cared about really opened her up to me.

Then I detected an inconsistency. I made plans for D2 with her, and she kept saying it's "not a date". So I remember I forgot to ask for her relationship status, which turns out she has a bf back in Germany. Now that makes sense. I'll still followthrough with the D2 with her and try to take it as far as I can. She's really hot and I wouldn't be much of a man if I didn't try anything. Besides, I like her personality and I would have fun with her regardless of how far I can get with her.

What I learned/did well

Take time to find out what really hooks with a girl, then SOI on point that works really well. Different girls have different hooks and sometimes I have to try a lot of different things before I find something that works.

Opening and plowing through the 6-set despite difficult logistics.

Continuing approaching even when the beginning of the night was really slow and difficult.

What I need to do better

Ask the important question, "what your relationship situation" as early as possible.

Do a better job of holding sets and talking and befriending the potential obstacle.

Recognize opportunities for makeouts and capitalize on them.

Facing My Fears

2008-11-07T02:19:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I went to a talk by the famed PUA Juggler. I'm a big fan of the Juggler method and I try to incorporate as much of that as possible into my own game.

He said something that really made me think. Juggler challenged us to face our fears, every single day. The point is not to overcome or suppress fear. Instead, just go towards it. The moment I feel fear of doing something, then I must immediately go do it. This will allow me to get used to fear.

I immediately put it into practice. There were only one girl at the meeting, surrounded by PUAs. I went and started talking with her. Then during the round table discussion, she and her friend go up to leave, I thought to myself, "it would be pretty scary to get up and run after her and get her number". Since I thought about that, I had to go and do it. So I did. It worked.

I really like that feeling; facing fear and going towards it instead of shrinking away.

FR: Juggler Girl

2008-10-28T23:41:00.001-07:00

On Saturday, I went out for day game with bunch of lair guys. I was running late, so I ended up walking briskly on Market street trying to get to the entrance of the mall. When I was almost there, I saw a girl in an absolutely horrendous pee-colored dress walking in the same direction. I thought she was a crazy person, you know, the kind that is way too common in San Francisco. As I caught up to her, I realized she's wearing a costume and she was juggling balls as she was walking. And she's kinda cute. Why not... it's warm up right?

So I open. I don't even remember what I said exactly, but it's situational (duh) something about juggling. So apparently she just finished volunteering at the Children's museum and on her way home. I asked her how she learned to juggle; she told me a very interesting story; I SOA her. By this time, we're at the entrance of the mall. I decide to instadate.

Me: Hey... I think you're very interesting... It's not everyday I meet a person like you and I want to find out more. Let's grab coffee.
Her: Okay.

We walk into the mall. At this time I decide to try to relate to her story emotionally. I know nothing about juggling... so I tell her how I started doing Krav Maga one day, and just fell in love with it, kind of like how she decided to try juggling in the park one day and sorta just fell into it.

We go to Jamba juice and get drinks. I banter a tiny bit, some kino, but most of time I'm stick to very normal stuff, like finding out where she grew up, what she's studying, etc. I was very careful to make statements to her statements, so it doesn't become a Q&A session. For example,

Me: So what do you study at state?
Her: Liberal arts... (gives me a look)... a lot of people give me shit for it, cuz it's not very practical...
Me: You shouldn't listen to what they say. I took mostly technical classes at college but now I wish I had taken more liberal arts stuff. Besides, the most useful stuff in life you learn outside of school...

We walk outside, by this time I was talking about traveling. It's one of my default talking points, because I've been to a lot of places and usually I can find something interesting to share. So we talk and walk... then she was like, "um... where are we going?" I was so busy talking, I didn't actually think to much about that. Time for me to wear some pants and make a decision.

Me: I want to sit down. Let's go to Union Square and sit on the steps.

So I lead the way. At this point we were talking about what we were like in high school. Not a favorite talking point of mine, but I'm being genuine, so it works. We get to the steps on union squre and we sit down.

I'm almost at a point where I feel like we're running out of things to say. We haven't connected on too much stuff at this point. I threw a lot of stuff on the wall, but somehow, something was still missing. So I decided to up the ante a bit.

Me: So, are you seeing anyone?
Her: uh... yeah, I'm kind of seeing someone (avoiding eye contact)
Me: I'm curious, how did you meet him?
Her: Well... he's a juggler. We started out as friends, but then somehow we became a little more than friends...
Me: I think that's cool... I'm always interested in how people meet...the last girl I dated I met her at a picnic... blah blah

So I told her about my relationship situation... and how I was in 1 year on-and-off relationship with this girl I really liked that finally ended a little over a month ago. And that's when we connected. Because right after, she started opening up about how she got really messed up by a previous relationship. I actually felt the energy between us change. It turns out we learned the same thing at the end of our relationships... and that was cool. Well, that opened up a lot of things for us to talk about. We exchanged #s.

Then I decided to end on the high note, and go meet up with the other PUAs. I walked with her a bit as she was heading home... then I saw PandaMan, thelearningcurve, and whim pass me. I said goodbye to her at the next intersection and she came up and hugged me. That was kinda nice.

That night, I sent her a txt. Nothing fancy, just that I enjoyed running into her and wished her luck in her quest for a halloween costume.

Yesterday, i got a reply back. That was a solid close. I know, I know, I didn't get my dick sucked... but it's my choice what I want to do from here. I can keep her as a friend, or move a bit further. In any case, I made a new friend... and she's pretty interesting. I fulfilled my mission for that day.

What I learned/did well

I genuinely connected with another human being... and I gave value to her and she gave value back to me. That felt good.

Connect on emotional level... and making statements about me.

Connection takes a little time. I have to be willing to throw stuff out there and let it catch... can't do it in 30 seconds, try 30 minutes instead.

I realized that sometimes it feels like the set isn't going anywhere, but it actually is... just really slowly. I'm new at PU, and my sets are slow right now, but it doesn't mean I'm not on the right path. It just means I haven't found the short cuts yet.

What I need to do better

More kino damn it!

Hamster on a Treadmill tonight

2008-10-26T01:19:00.001-07:00

Went out tonight with a bunch of guys from the lair. I must admit, I had a pretty shitty night. Despite my best efforts, I realized I wasn't having any fun.

It's unusual for me to not have any fun these days. Last weekend I went out too and I was really feeling it. All the sets felt natural, even when they weren't going well. Today, I was really in my head, and I think I know why.

I got too focused on my 'sticking point', which is escalation. The more I focused on it, the more pissed I got, and the harder I pushed in that direction. Suddenly, I was no longer talking with girls because I liked them, but I talked to them because I want to get over my sticking point. I felt like a hamster on a treadmill. I ran and ran, but stay in the same place. I got frustrated. My night was ruined and I went home early.

You know what, escalation is a problem for everyone learning this stuff. I'm not special, and I'm not going to fix it in one night. Expecting it to magically go away is just asking for trouble. I need to do what I always did well: have fun, be genuine, then add a little bit of sexual aggression at a time. And I'm going to ask for help.

I'm going to take a shower, then meditate. That usually will set me straight.

ps. I'm renaming 'sticking point' to AFI: areas for improvement. Thinking of it as a sticking point is really counter productive for me.

1-Minute Phone Close & Flaking

2008-10-20T01:18:00.001-07:00

I was out doing daygame today with Whim and PandaMan. The weather was really cold and not a lot of people were out. We had a really shortage of HBs to work with.

I've found that once I warm up, I have no problem with opening, hooking, and plowing. Today I ended up with 1 #close, 1 @close and 1 FB-close. But I actually felt pretty crappy about them right now, because none of them feel solid.

All the closes happened in about a minute. Direct opener, got the set hooked, plowing, tried time-bridging, ended with the close. The #close was a 2-set of girls crossing the street; the HB was with her friend who was visiting from out of town. The @close was a German flight attendant leaving the same night but will be back again in a month. The FB-close was a persian girl who went to Berkeley business school for undergrad.

All of these have the same pattern. It must have been impressive to watch because it happened so fast and everything seem to work beautifully. But in reality, they will probably all be flakes. I had no time to isolate and connect. None of them got to know much about me, and I feel like I know nothing about them. It sucks. When I came back, I didn't even feel like following up with them. This can't be good.

How can I establish connection in such a short amount of time in the street? I can't even send a properly enticing text message to follow up, cuz I know next to nothing about her. It's definitely something I have to focus on. I forgot to make a little note of what I wanted to do today when I went out. I must remember next time.

Someone found a really good daygame video. I really need to learn from this.

FR: GSF and 1st Ever Instadate

2008-10-09T00:03:00.001-07:00

So at GSF last Sunday, there were two sets of interest:

Set 1

In the mall, saw a HB8.5 walk by us. My first thought: wow. My second thought: she's too young. I actually had a moment of hesitation, murmured to my team "I think she's too young"... but then I thought fuck it... if I don't open, I'll never find out. So I run after her, tap on the arm, plant my feet firmly on the ground, direct opener. I'm actually getting better at stopping moving sets.

She was a bit startled. I detected an accent, asked where she's from. Norway. Awesome... I start on my story of going to Sweden and meeting a group of Norwegian girls in Stockholm. So, we were standing there, talking for maybe 30 seconds. I decide to instadate.

Me: hey, let's go grab a coffee and we can sit down and chat.
Her: uh... I don't like coffee.
Me: Okay... tea then...
Her: uh... but I have to meet my friends, blah blah
Me: Sure... tea will take like five minutes...
Her: okay

I'm glad I was persistent in pushing for the instadate. Before I would've given up at the first sign of resistance. But as I get to know female psychology a bit better, it seems they just have these little voices that raises random concerns. As long as I hold a strong frame and just brush those concerns aside, I'm good to go.

So she actually end up calling her friends and telling them that she's gonna be late. I lead her downstairs to the food court level... ah ha... Jamba Juice. Better than tea. So I order, she orders, and I pay for both. She was reaching into her purse, gave me this look and I just smiled and said, "you can buy me a cookie later."

We grab our drinks and I lead her out, not to a table, but to a ledge of sorts right under the stairs. This way, I can sit right next to her. I do, and I make sure we're close enough that my leg touchs hers. Then I just vibe. Her first question to me was "how old are you?" I make her guess... she guess 22. Then I tell her the truth. I ask for her age, she tells me to guess. I guess right on the money. 19.

I just do a lot of connection and rapport. I told her stories about my travels in Europe, then I talk about all the places I lived... at the same time, I tried my best to kino escalate. Hand on knee... shoulders... wrist etc. The whole time, I'm just being authentic and genuine. In hindsight, I could've used more banter. But at the same time, I was also pretty relaxed, IMHO, so I just said what came to my mind.

Now comes the fun part... I decided to kiss close. Now, all this time, when she's talking she looks at me with her big beautiful blue eyes... so I had to go for it. One arm holding her around the waist... then I lean in...

Her: (leans back) what are you doing?
Me: (with a smile) I'm trying to kiss you.
Her: Uh... why?
Me: Because I think you're beautiful
Her: But... I'm kind of seeing somebody...
Me: Really?  You have a boyfriend and you didn't tell me? (with a smirk... not accusatory)
Her: Well... he's not my boyfriend... blah blah
Me: Okay....

I pull back. Honestly, I was shaken for a few seconds... but... I went right back to comfort and connection. More DHV stories etc. We finish our drinks, we get up... go to a store... she wants to buy me my cookie. So, instead I pick out a peach (tasted horrible btw). I #close her when we're in the checkout line. She made a point of telling me that her phone isn't set up to do txt msgs yet, so I have to call her. We walk out... I hug her then I eject.

A few hours later, back at home, I call her number. She picks up.

Me: Hey... thanks for the peach
Her: haha... you're welcome
Me: Have fun in Vegas next week (she told me she's going to vegas)
Her: Thanks....
Me: Gimme a call next time you're in SF... let's hang out...
Her: okay....

Set 2

HB8 single set. I run after her, tap on the arms... direct opener and stops her dead in her tracks. I notice that she is really cute (brunette) and she seems very surprised by my direct opener.

Me: Doesn't this happen all the time?
Her: Uh... no
Me: Well... that's just so wrong.  So... what's your story?
Her: I don't know if you want to hear my story... it's kind of boring (DLV #1)
Me: Why don't you tell me... and let me decide...
Her: I'm a teacher... i teach 3rd grade.
Me: I think that's awesome... blah blah blah (her eyes light up)

Anyways, we just stand there and talk. A bit later she DLVs herself again.

Me: (I was talking about how I went to lovefest and had a great time...) So, did you go to lovefest?
Her: No... I went to a professional development conference in blah blah blah... I know, it's not terribly interesting... blah blah (DLV #2)
Me: Well... as long as it's interesting to you.  You obviously take your job seriously... so I think it's cool.

At this point I begin to feel a little silly just standing there and talking... so I try instadate again.

Me: Hey... why don't we grab some coffee and keep chatting...
Her: Well... I was on my way back to the car. I'm meeting my boyfriend and some of his friends to go see the bluegrass festival... but I don't know what the logistics are for that...

HUH? She used the word "logistics"? Who besides PUAs talk like that?

And more to the point, she has a boyfriend but she still stood there and talked with me for the past I don't know how long (it felt like a long time... minutes and minutes at least). I don't get it... am I giving off the "I just want a friend vibe?" My opener is pretty damned direct... I'm not quite sure she could've misread my intentions. But then again, no one else was there to observe the interaction... and my observation is obviously biased. So, needless to say, I'm confused.

With that, I didn't plough anymore... and I just let her go. In retrospect... I should've still pushed for the instadate like I did for the previous set. If anything just to find out what the hell was on her mind... maybe she's bored with her relationship... maybe she just want to disclose that she has a bf... or maybe I am really coming across as the guy who says, "I think you're really beautiful and I just want to be friends with you" to random strangers.

What I did well

stopping sets

ploughing through to get my first instadate

pushing through the awkwardness after the rejected kiss attempt

What I need to do better

push every set to the max... I think I let the second set go too easily

I shouldn't be shaken at all by the rejected kiss attempt... and I should've tried the "kiss without touching" technique afterwards

more sexual vibe... or at least SOI with sexy

But at the end of the day, I had a lot of fun... and learned a few important things. So, I'm happy with my progress; now I just need more calibration.

Ground Rules

2008-09-30T23:19:00.001-07:00

I had a lot of time in the past few weeks to reflect. I asked myself some very difficult questions. Questions like, what makes me happy? Why do I want to do PU? What end result do I hope to achieve? At the end, I feel like I found a bit of my identity.

From these questions and their answers, I came up with 3 Ground Rules. These rules form the basis of my journey.

It's never about sex, it's about the love of a great woman.

If I'm not prepared to lose her, I have already lost her.

Never compromise my values and beliefs for any man or woman.

Rule #1. I used to think it's about sex, fucking as many girls as I can get my dick on. But that comes from a place of anger and resentment. I only thought I wanted that because I hated my own limited sexual experience. Recent experience showed me that it wasn't sex that I wanted the most, it was love. My distorted view didn't allow me to see that until the relationship was six-feet under. Given the choice of having one girl sucking me off everyday for the rest of my life versus a different girl sucking me off everyday, I would pick the former. Every single time. I can't allow myself to forget that.

Rule #2. Also from previous experience, I realize that when I find a girl that hooks for D2 or D3, I latch on too tightly. I become needy and I end up always drive them away. This comes from a place of scarcity and fear. This state of mind reinforces itself rapidly if not checked. The more afraid that I'll do something to drive away, the less I become myself, and the more I drive them away. I will internalize the abundance frame and this rule lets me do that.

Rule #3. Lastly, I need to be congruent with myself. The best way to be congruent is to project my values and beliefs and stand firm behind them. There will be times when these will be tested, and in those times I need to know who I am and who I want to be. A corollary to this rule is that I must find out what my values and beliefs are. I must ask the tough questions, not only of myself but also of others. Not only will these rules make me congruent, but also it will let my underlying confidence shine through.

These rules are just the beginning. I'm sure as time goes on, and as I get better at PU, they will be amended. I'm going recite these ground rules every day and come back to revisit them every six months. That is my plan.

I got rattled

2008-09-30T00:28:00.001-07:00

This weekend started out very good. I found myself in a mental state that I never reached before. I was content, centered, and really didn't care what anyone thought or did to me. I was extremely social on Friday, and very relaxed for most of Saturday. I thought I reached a new height in my inner game, where I have accepted the abundance frame, internalized my lack of need, and put forth my best natural self.

But it all crashed down in less than 30 seconds. I was out day gaming, and just as I was about to finish, I saw her. A HB9 that I went on a D3 with, made-out but didn't get to f-close. I haven't seen her in a month and this was all before my recent epiphanies. I wanted to put her on ice, but seeing her was totally unexpected.

She was with a guy, and he stood to the side while I talked to her. I should've introduced myself to him and brought him into the conversation. But I completely froze. Just like that my state went out the window. I promised myself that I wouldn't ask her out again until she showed some compliance, but within 30 seconds, I was asking her to dinner. She gave me this non-commital answer. And I accepted it.

I felt like shit afterwards. It threw off the rest of my weekend. I guess I let it get to me a little too much. After all, what is she to me? But my inability to remain calm, to retain state, and to regain center really pissed me off. I told my story on the Lair and I got a lot of feedback. And I do agree that my inner game is still weak, otherwise I wouldn't have been affected so much.

This is a big lesson learned. I had no idea just how easy it is to knock me off balance. What I thought was a strong inner game, was only partial. I really did reach a higher mental state with my inner game, but I wasn't ready to stay there. I'm going to remember the lesson, release the emotions and get ready for sarging again this weekend.

With practice, I have no doubt that my inner game will reach and remain at the high plateau I experienced on Friday.

FR: Solo again on Friday night

2008-09-28T18:12:00.001-07:00

I went out solo again Friday night. This time, I didn't psyche myself out before hand. I wrote on a stickie note a few things I want to do:

use eye contact more

try my 'see what happens' opener

do deep engagement when the set hooks

I went out to North beach, walked around, saw one bar with people, didn't care what it was, just went in. Saw a two set sitting by the bar.

Me: Hi, I just wanted to come and say hi and see what happens...

The set opened well, but didn't hook. It turns out these girls are a bit older than I would've liked. We chatted about where they're from, then movies, and then the interaction fizzled out.

Then I saw a girl (HBDark: 6.5) ordering drinks by the bar. She looked flirty. So I made eye contact, she looked back, I smiled then opened, with a simple "hi, how's it going". It turns out she's here with bunch of friends, a huge mixed set. I introduced myself to her group, then suddenly I was IN... just like that. I started chatting up with HBDark for a bit, but I had problems isolating because her friends kept on coming in at higher energy levels. My energy level is a bit too low for night game sometimes.

Out of nowhere, a huge guy came up and started asking me where to go in the city. It turns out he and his 3 friends are from Belgium and in SF for the weekend. I started talking to these guys, and I could feel my energy go up. I got a 4 set of dudes cracking up, being loud as fuck in the middle of the bar. Sweet! Eventually I got bored, made an excuse, shook hands with them and left.

Talked with HBDark and her friends for a bit, still not really hooking, and can't isolate. After a while, I went back and re-engaged the Belgians. Long afterwards, I realized, these guys became my "home base". Ha! My first home base.

One of the guys is decent with girls, he opened one and all his friends were amazed. Then both he and I saw a girl, HB8.5, probably the hottest girl in the bar. She was getting her drinks and walked right by me. I tapped her on the arm, spun her around. Opened, bantered for maybe a few minutes. At this point I felt really fucking good. Since I walked in, I noticed a seated 4-set of girls by the corner. Now I'm ready to open them. I told the Belgian that I'm going to talk to those girls, he looked at me with disbelief.

I walk over... my first seated 4-set (HBBlonde: 8, HBBrunette: 8.5, HBSister, HBFriend)... here we go.

Me: Hi, (big smile) I just wanted to come here and say hi... and see what happens.

Instantly, I was in, the set hooked. HBFriend asked me for my name, I introduced myself. My intended target (HBBlonde duh!) when she introduced her self we shook hands and I said "you're very beautiful". She blushed, touched my arm and said, "oh stop it". So, my intentions has been made clear to the group. Now here's where I had a little problem. At this point, HBBrunette chimed in, "so you only like one of us right?". In retrospect, I think that should've been a signal to me. The problem will become apparent.

I sit next to HBBlonde, engaging in HBBlonde and HBFriend. I had plenty of stuff to talk about. At some point, HBFriend mentions that HBBlonde has a BF. So I lose interest immediately, but hey, the girls are fun so I keep talking with them. At this point the Belgians leave and come say goodbye to me... massive social proof! HBBlonde and HBFriend go to the bar to get drinks, I let them out, and slide next to HBBrunette. That's when I realized, shit... HBBrunette is really hot. Uh... target switch... when she already saw me talking for a long time with HBBlonde. Hmm... interesting.

I talk with HBBrunette and HBSister (HBBlonde's sister). I was like, "so, tell me your story". She tells me some half-assed story. I was like, okay, I'll tell you a story. So I told her the story of me going to the asian art museum last sunday (true story). Afterwards, she's like, "wow, that was a really good story".

A bit later, HBBrunette leaves and HBFriend comes back. So I say to the two girls, "so, what's HBBrunette's situation? Is she seeing anyone?" They tell me that she might be leaving SF soon b/c job situation... etc.

At some point some a guy friend joins them and he was much higher energy. Basically he sucked all the oxygen out of the room. At this point I decided to eject. I tried to number close HBBrunette, but she gave me the "I have a BF" line. HA! Caught you! If she really had a BF, her friends would've told me pretty sure. I humored her.

I went to say good bye to HBBlonde and HBFriend, they were hustling pool. I told HBBlonde I'm leaving, we shook hands and she gave me a peck on the cheek. Hmm... must have made an impression. I went around and said good bye to all the other ppl that I opened then left the bar. Shit... I was in there for an hour and half? Damn... time flies.

I decided to end my night early on a high note. Took a cab home then decided... nah... one more set. I went to a bar I went last weekend, because I remembered the bouncer's name.

I opened a 2-set. Same opener they laughed. One girl, HBDoc (7.5) said, "is that a line?" I said, "yeah, but it's true." I started to engage these girls finding out where they're from (LA). I told them a story of me visiting LA a few months ago... and I said I found the girls to be really superficial. That was a cold read of sorts, because they definitely didn't fit the LA stereotype. Turns out I was right. They're all medical students from USC. At this point HBDoc's friend moved away... ha... I was isolated.

I brought out my deep engagement stuff. I told her what makes me happy, I asked her if she believed in true love and I told her a story of how I came to believe in true love. I thought the stuff is pretty good. It wasn't all deep, I had her laughing too. I qualified by telling her the last girl I dated... etc. Then I got side tracked by her friends who came back.

At the end, when her group was leaving to go to a different bar, I stopped her. I #closed her while all her friends were waiting.

What I learned:

having goals at the beginning is really good

home-base = awesome, even if it's 4 dudes

I got called out (twice), "who are u here with?" I simply answered the truth, "I'm here by myself". No explanation necessary. Keep on talking. Either they respect you for it or fuck 'em. Both cases, they responded with, "oh good for you."

at the first bar, I was talking with just about everyone. Shit, it was fun. For the first time I thought to myself, "so this is what being DerekDL feels like" :-D

What I'm proud of:

created my own 'see what happens' opener

caught a girl giving me the I have a BF lie

What I could've done better:

The 4-set... I need to figure out ALL of the logistics and situations before zoning into a target. I think HBBrunette was interested, and she possibly felt bad after I isolated HBBlonde first. I need to do better next time.

Learn to handle guys who are higher energy than me that enter my set. I don't want to AMOG them, cuz they're friends of the set, but win them over at the same time not let them take over the set.

I should have kiss-closed HBDoc in the last bar. I had the opportunity to. I will not let an opportunity like that pass me again.

What I Learned from Losing my Oneitis

2008-09-28T18:00:00.001-07:00

Last saturday I went on a date with my oneitis. I call her that, because we've been on-and-off dating for the past year. I met her at a time that I wasn't ready to meet a girl like that. She's gorgeous, HB8+, kinda looks like Denise Richards. Sucks a mean cock and loves asian men. But she's also super smart, outgoing, athletic, fun, deep, and full of life. I especially liked her philosophical outlook on life. And she's bisexual.

But our relationship wasn't good. The funny thing is that we both tried really hard. I didn't have the heart to end it, because, well, she's my oneitis. It's my comfort zone, and when I was happy with her, I was really happy. But she also made me very miserable many many times. I became a total AFC chode around her, I knew it but I didn't know how to change it.

So, long story short, she initiated the breakup last night. To my surprise, I didn't feel pain at all, more relief and a sense of profound epiphany.

This is what I found out. I was never able to connect with her. I was playing too safe. I'm not used to just connecting and talking with a hot girl, it was too foreign to me. She desperately wanted me to challenge what she says, but I never did that, and it frustrated the shit out of her. It's like she was unconsciously throwing shit-tests all the time and all I had to do was be aggressive and I'd pass them. I didn't know. She said, she was with me because I was nice to her, I was safe, and I would never hurt her. She valued all that, but it wasn't enough.

But you know what? Connecting with a girl that you like, it's really like talking with any of my buddies. Why should it be any different? If my friend tried to bullshit me I wouldn't let him off with out calling it out. With any of my friends, I can talk about life and random shit for hours and hours. It should be the same with a girl, especially one that you're trying to date and have a relationship with.

She also told me that the image that I projected, it was weak (beta in PUA parlance). She put up a facade of strength, but deep inside, she's actually afraid of being hurt because she was physically abused when she was younger. I never got deep enough to realize that the facade was just that. And she desperately craved for protection. I didn't provide that. She didn't feel safe.

All of that is preprogrammed. Evolutionary. No matter how much she liked me, and she did, no matter how hard she tried to make it work, she can't overcome those preprogrammed responses. The fuckup is mine and mine to learn from.

Sometimes the most important lessons are only learned when you put yourself through harms way. I had to get so close to an awesome girl like that, and to lose her, to learn about love and life. I learned that creating connection and building relationships is like cupping water in the hand. The tighter you clutch, the less water you hold. I wasn't prepared to lose her and that mentality defeated me.

When I say I'm okay, i'm really okay. If this happened a few months ago, I would've been devastated. The timing is critical. I saw the writing on the wall, but like I said, I didn't have the heart to sever it. This is the reason why I took a workshop with SS a few months ago and why I finally got pissed and decided to solo sarge on Fri night and day game yesterday . If I was motivated yesterday, today I'm 10 times more motivated to better myself.

Solo night game

2008-09-28T17:51:00.001-07:00

It's only as hard as you think it is.

The reason I went solo is because I got really pissed last Friday. I found myself with no plans on a Friday night, and I knew if I didn't go out... I would be miserable for the rest of the weekend and into next week. Couldn't find any wings at the last minute. Solo or chode... I chose solo. I prepared myself by going to the gym working out a storm then listening to high energy music while getting ready.

Okay... but it wasn't easy. I don't want to say that I had AA, because I actually did open sets. But I just never really warmed up, possibly I psyched myself out before hand, with thinking about how hard it is to go solo... what happens if I get called out... etc. That actually never happened. I promised myself that I would at least stay out for two hours and I went to four different bars near my place. I had four sets (one at each bar), and in two of them I was able to isolate my targets. Both targets were HB9+s (apparently I only go for the hottest girl in the bar, hey life is short).

The interesting thing is, all the sets opened nicely, not all of them hooked, but I never got a blow out. I was so focused on opening... it was totally not the thing to worry about. Instead, in retrospect, my problem is that I didn't do enough attraction. My energy was low and I wasn't "in state". And the worst is that after I open, hook a little... then I found myself drawing a big blank. I'm not too used to night game, and my daygame stuff is too low energy for the night. After isolation, I found the HB's BT drop precipitously.

But you know what? It felt so good to be out. Eventhough I don't have any results to show for it, I feel like I've pushed my boundaries and I can sleep easy tonight.

The main thing is that I shouldn't psych myself out. Solo night game is the most normal thing in the world... next time I'm going to think that and believe it. Fuck all the preparations, don't need it. It's true because I never got blown out... I got my isolation... I just ran shitty game, which is totally fixable. Nothing to it. I did get an email close and she is the hottest girl I've seen all week. So in the words of my mentor DL: I'm content... but far from satisfied.

Goal for the next 6 months

2008-09-17T12:59:00.001-07:00

I was talking to a PUA a few days ago, and the topic turned into goals. I realized that I don't have one and that really bothers me. So, for the past few days I've came up with a goal for the next 6 months.

It's simple: I want a steady girlfriend. That may sound like a really AFC goal, but it's not. It's pragmatic given how little time I can devote to PU in the next few months. I want a great LTR, because frankly, it's been awhile.

I hope to learn a few things from this exercise. First, I want the relationship to be on my terms, so basically I have to drive and win the power struggle. Second I want to learn how to make a girl fall for me in the quickest amount of time. Lastly, I'm taking time to develop my inner game, instead worrying about sarging and LRs.

In the mean time, I will still occasionally sarge, mainly daygame. But only to keep me from becoming rusty. I think having this goal in the back of my mind will do me a world of good.

The Long Way

2008-09-03T02:12:00.001-07:00

A post has been long overdue. The only thing I can say is that I've been busy, and a bit conflicted. Those are only excuses, which I won't bother hiding behind.

I haven't gone out as much in the past few weeks. I know I should be going out and practicing all the things I learned, but a few new circumstances are getting in the way of things.

First, I'm off to a new job which is going to take much more out of me. That means, no time to go sarging, no hitting the bars, no bouncing around clubs, and no running day-game up and down the city. This sounds like a bad excuse, but I happen to love what I do. In the near-term, my job takes precedence over all things. After all, this is my passion.

Second, I'm dating two great girls right now. Since I already have very limited free time, I'd rather spend it with a really awesome girl instead of chasing after random skirts. And did I mention I got two of them? I am a little conflicted because I will not lie to keep them (and I shouldn't have to). Either girl I would want to have a relationship with, but I don't want to make a choice. Why can't I have both?

In the mean time, my goal is work on things associated with dating and relationships. It's been awhile since I was in one, and creating attraction and connection is every bit as important in a relationship as it is in PU. The practice will be different, but it's still practice. Also, the benefit of a steady girl (or two) is that I get to try different things with sex. I'm already having more sex than I have in ages. Who said dating the same girl has to be dull and boring? Lastly this will be my opportunity to get my first mLTR (the holy grail of PU), so why the fuck not?

So, all this means that I'm probably going to on a hiatus for awhile, at least where sarging and PU is involved. James Bond never retires, only goes on vacations. What I fear the most is that I might forget everything in a few months. But I think I can prevent that from happening. I might get rusty, but I'll do okay in the end. I'm just taking the longer way to get to becoming Bond.

Prolonged Silence

2008-07-26T02:04:00.001-07:00

I haven't blogged in awhile. In this case, it wasn't because of the lack of things happening in my life. On the contrary, a bit too much happened, and I'm more confused than anything else.

Consider my dilemma. I had an oneitis problem for almost an entire year. She is the most beautiful girl I've ever dated. She's smart, sexy, and fun. In short, everything I had wanted. Oh don't get me wrong, she wasn't perfect. She had plenty of issues, but don't we all?

But the problem was, at the time I wasn't ready to date a girl like that. My inner game was shit. I was unsure, lacked confidence, then became needy. It went down hill pretty fast and the sad part is that she liked me from the beginning. It was so easy, all I had to do was to fuck it up. And fuck it up I did.

She and I became on again off again, mostly off again. I was stuck on her. Every time I thought I would throw in the towel, I convinced myself to give it another try. Then I promptly get burned. I was in hell. So at last I decided to march myself out of hell by taking a workshop with socialsavant.

I came out a changed person. But just when I was given the tools to conquer women everywhere, she's back. The change was noticeable to her. I'm much more relaxed around her and I said all those things I never said before, did all the things I never did before. I ran attraction then I connected with her. Everything I was taught in the workshop, I used. It worked. But now she wants a relationship.

So imagine this: the girl you've been stuck on for the past year, the motivating force for the workshop you went through, the fantasy that was so close but remained just out of reach, suddenly comes back and says she wants you. What would you do? You'd be crazy to say no. I feel like I've been given a second chance; I gave myself that second chance.

But it doesn't have to be a choice. I could still game other girls. A part of me wants to be the player. I'm attracted by the thrill, the power, the fun, and of course, the sex. The steamy copious sex I've deserved. In the long term, I'll be happier. But the other part of me know how easy it is to make me happy. I want to spend more time with her and sex with her is pretty good. I only have so many hours in my week and I know if I'm with her, I won't practice my game as much. I'll be happy in the short term, but at some point I'll have to game again.

So it ends up being a choice nevertheless. Short-term hard work and long-term happiness versus short-term happiness and still have to pay the piper in time. Why can't I have the best of both worlds? Why does it have to be a choice?

So I'm in this quandary. I'm figuring a way out...

FR: more day game

2008-07-12T20:33:00.001-07:00

Today I went out by myself to do more daygame in union square. I didn't get any #closes, but there were two sets that were noteworthy.

The first set, a very hot brunettte (HB8.5) sitting by herself on the steps of the square, obviously waiting for someone. I walk up, sat next to her, immediately opened. Honestly, I don't even know what opener I used, I just started talking. I made a mistake right away by leading with questions.

Me: So, where are you from?
Her: Here. (obviously a lie)
Me: Oh, I just detected a bit of accent, so I thought you were from somewhere else.
Her: (a bit offended) no, you're wrong...
Me: Well, okay, I think you're interesting so I wanted to come over and talk to you
Her: That's a very bad idea...
Me: Why?
Her: We would have nothing to talk about.
Me: (pause for two seconds) You know what, you're absolutely right.
Her: (a tiny smile, at which point I detected an opening and went for it)
Me: You look like someone who likes to travel, tell me about the last place you went to?
Her: I don't remember...
Me: (started to talk about my vacation to Costa Rica... etc)

At this point it might seem like the set is going really badly. She's not giving me much to work with, so I decided I have to talk a lot more. It worked beautifully, and she suddenly opened up and started telling me that she's been to China. I found out that she's Turkish, but raised in Germany and decided to come to SF on a whim. I SOI'd with "sexy" on that point and then showed more intentions asking her if she's waiting for a date. To which she replied "no he's just a friend, it's not a date". I asked her to tea on the spot, but it was just bad logistics (she's leaving on Monday, and has a lot of plans already). We talked until her friend arrived.

I liked this set because I really pushed and stayed in. I got her to open up when she was really closed off. I was able to recover from my mistakes and it ended up being a pretty decent set. It was probably the best outcome given the circumstances.

The next set, which I kicked myself afterwards, occurred immediately after. I was crossing the street and saw a cute brunette (HB8). I stood next to her, and opened immediately.

Me: (smile) Hi
Her: Hi (smiled back)
Me: You look like a professional shopper
Her: (laugh) Oh do I?
Me: Absolutely... you know, I'm looking for a Diesel store, do you happened to know where it is?
Her: I'm actually not from here but I think I saw one over there (pointing somewhere).
Me: Oh, so I'm going the wrong way. Cool. (kept walking with her)

I just kept walking and talking. I got to know her a bit, she's from portland and in town for a wedding. I really messed this set up because afterwards I realized she's probably really into me. I asked her to coffee immediately, but she said she's on a time crunch, needed to get a gift at H&M and go to the wedding. I gave up too soon... I should have gone to H&M with her and shopped with her. It totally didn't occur to me until later. She was smiling, laughing, and I could and should have done way more with that set.

Anyways, the positives from today is that I went out by myself and I've gotten really comfortable with daygame. I was able to open situationally on the streets, both moving and stationary. I turned one interaction around when it wasn't going well.

But the negatives outweighed the positives today. I didn't push the easy set. It was totally retarded, like it was too easy so I just decided to throw it away. I didn't ask enough open ended questions and I really didn't get sexual. Kino was defintely lacking also.

So, those are definitely points to work on next time.

Workshop Graduate

2008-07-08T00:56:00.001-07:00

I finished my workshop package with Social Savant on Sunday. I grew by leaps and bounds and the transformation has been quite dramatic.

I finally understood the meaning of natural game. The first change from before is that I completely removed all my canned materials and routines. It turns out that I don't need them, so I won't use them. It's much more interesting to come up with a normal conversation. The second change is that I'm way more confident in my interactions with women. I know what to do now. It doesn't mean I get everything right, far from it, but I know what I did wrong and how to improve. Third, I'm much more relaxed. I'm starting to notice little things that I never noticed before. Now I could sometimes pick up on IOIs from girls on the spot. Lastly, I'm pushing myself out of my comfort zone, out of the dead zone. I'm sticking in sets for longer, closing more efficiently, trying different kino, and attempting new things in general. In the end, I'm having way more fun at night, and feeling a lot better with my day-game. This workshop really made a difference.

There's still a long way to go. I'm setting goals and reaching them. I feel like I'm finally prepared for the long journey ahead of me. It's looking to be a fun journey.

FR: day-game #closes

2008-07-07T20:57:00.001-07:00

I was out in Union Square, doing day-game. Two sets stands out in memory. These are very different sets: onne I felt really good about, the other I thought was really pathetic.

First, H&M. I went looking for dress socks, and at the men's section a hired-gun (HB7.5) was hanging stuff on the racks. I was in a very social mood, so I opened immediately.

Me: Ah, there they are. I've been looking for these socks, you guys used to have them at the front.
HB: Yeah, we're moving stuff around... blah blah blah
Me: You know, I was told recently that I should be wearing black socks. Apparently wearing white socks is a fashion faux pas.
HB: (giggles) I wear white socks sometimes...
Me: Well... I suppose you can get away with it. You're a cute blonde. People look at your eyes and your boobs, but not at your feet. (looking at her eyes, boobs, then feet, huge smile)
HB: (stares at me for 1/2 second, then breaks out laughing).

Then we banter a bit more, she mumbled some story about her wearing white socks... Then I did a disqualification.

Me: You know, I was attracted to you until you said that, but now... (huge smile)
HB: (laughs)

Then I stopped talking and just looked at her. She got a bit awkward and was like "umm...", I immediately asked her to coffee. She blurted out "yes" immediately... almost a bit too fast. Done and done. This is my first hired-gun close. I just got the vibe from the start that she's into me, I can't even explain it. I had no intention of closing her when I opened (I didn't even see her face at first). The set was run on pure attraction. There was no connection... I didn't have time to get to know her. I SOI'd and pushed sexually from the start (I need to remember this and keep consistent when I D2 her). The funny thing is that some of my best sets happen when I go in with no intention of gaming. I guess that's when I'm most relaxed.

Second, in Union Square. I was tired and told my instructors (Derek and Dan) that I was done for the day. As we were crossing the square, a girl (HBbrunette) caught my eye. Dan saw immediately, and told me to go after her. I jogged to catch up. I opened with the stock: I saw you and I thought you looked interesting, I just wanted to meet you and say hi. I saw that surprised look that I usually see, but there was something else I couldn't quite place. Memory is a bit hazy at this point, but I believe she asked me for my name first.

I asked her for her story, and was told "I'm still working on it". I told her a quick (not at all well polished) version of my story, of being an entrepreneur. At this point I was a bit nervous because I noticed that she is very pretty. All the while, we were walking toward Borders and I just stopped and sat down on a concrete block. She stopped too. At this point she was telling me she's going to study for a midterm for her photo journalism class, wanted to be a journalist and go to the Congo or something like that.

At this point I thought that the set was going horribly. She wasn't smiling, wasn't laughing, body language was all wrong and obviously in a hurry to get somewhere. I felt that I built very little connection. I SOI'd with "sexy" on not much of anything. If this was any other time, I would've looked for a quick way out. But I pushed, and asked her to coffee. To my surprise, she said she doesn't do coffee but she'll do tea. I mumbled something about I don't drink coffee either, and when I say coffee I really mean tea (uh... that was horrible). Then more talking and she starts to mumble something about the place that she usually drinks tea at. If this makes no sense, it's because it didn't... I had no idea what's going on. I #closed her... then reached out my hand. She took it to shake it, but then I held on to her fingertips a bit longer than usual as she backed away.

Derek and Dan saw all of it and I was shocked when Dan told me he thought that I ran a great set. He pointed out something that I didn't think of at the moment. She was in a very heavy mood when I opened her, and probably had a lot of dark stuff on her mind. Dan said I turned her around quite nicely. I was disappointed because I did a lot of things wrong, I mumbled at times, my connection really wasn't there. I was nervous. But looking back at it today, I think she was really nervous too. I couldn't read her very well because there was just too much going on with her at the time.

Anyways, I'm curious how these two very different sets will play out.

FR: I apologize for staring at your boobs...

2008-07-05T01:40:00.001-07:00

I went out on Thursday night and met up with a few friends at a local bar. The place was not even half full there weren't many targets to choose from. I warmed up with a guy at the bar, then went back to the outside patio section to shoot the shit with my friends. While I was doing this, I did a brief glance over at the place and saw only one interesting set. A blonde (HB8) and her friend (HB5) sitting by themselves at a table.

While I was talking with my friends, the blonde came outside to smoke. I immediately opened her, or rather, she opened us first, asking if this was a private party. Someone replied no, but I immediately followed up with "I'm going to charge you admission fee" with a big grin. I introduced myself and talked with her for a few seconds. I couldn't pay too much attention to her because one of my friend was talking to me. By the time she finished, the blonde was already done with her cigarette and went inside.

At this time some of my friends (my pivots actually), started teasing me. Apparently I was staring at the blonde's boobs. I know I looked at her boobs (they were nice), but I didn't think I was staring. But my friends insisted that I was too obvious and gave me a hard time. So I told them I'm going to go over to the set and apologize to the blonde for staring. They all thought it was a horrible idea and said I shouldn't do it. But my mind was made up.

I walked over to the 2-set, briefly introduced myself (because the other girl hasn't met me yet). Then launched right into my apology.

Me: Okay, so my friends were giving me a hard time just now, because they said I was staring at your boobs.
(Both girls had their mouth agape for a second and went berserk with laughter.)
HB5: Were you? ... staring?
Me: I admit I glanced at them a few times (gesturing towards the blonde's boobs)... I'm sorry.
(more laughter)
HB8: OMG...I didn't even notice...
Me: Well. I guess my friends were looking at me like a hawk...
(more laughter)
HB8: Now I feel bad... maybe I should cover up more...
(blonde proceeds to try to cover up more)
Me: Oh no... don't do that! Leave them out, they're beautiful.
(they went hysterical at this point)

I was on fire from then on. I ended up talking to the set for a long time. It turns out the blonde is a stay-at-home mom with 5 kids (OMG she looked good... MILF!). I ran a lot of attraction then did a bit of connection. I had an amazing conversation with these girls.

After I went back to my group, my pivots were amazed. I felt pretty good after that. I concluded the night with a #close on a different girl near the pool table. It involved dancing, isolation, SOI with "sexy", a bit of connection... then #closed.

This is really getting easier (and more fun).

LA Reflections

2008-06-28T00:56:00.001-07:00

I think it's a good idea to write a reflection piece after FRs. This takes place when I'm more calm, out of the moment, and I can reflect on what I did well and what I should work on. So, thinking back to what I did last weekend in LA...

First, what I did well.

I pushed. I pushed harder than I have ever before. I kinoed. I kinoed girls everywhere, arms around shoulder, waist, holding hands. It felt a lot more natural than in previous times. I also realized I became more relaxed. I started noticing small details that I didn't before, and that gave me a huge advantage. For example, I noticed that the girl I met in the elevator and the girl with the brother both gave me positive signals, and I was able to amplify them accordingly. Over all, I was way more relaxed than I ever was, and I was totally in the zone.

Now, what I need to improve.

I need to push harder (still). I didn't push for any makeouts in the club, and I should have. Why didn't I? That was dumb. Also, I need to get better at getting D2s. Although it really didn't apply to the situation in LA because I was there for such a short time. The girls I #closed, I was able to get them to txt back. But due to various logistics reasons, no D2s resulted.

FR: 1 night in LA, 3 #closes.

2008-06-22T03:33:00.001-07:00

Something clicked in me since my last field work.

Saturday morning, I met a girl (HB9.5) at the elevators of the hotel. I opened her before I even saw her face (situational, on her hat). We kept talking as we got in the elevator. She told me that she's going to the La Brea Tar Pits to see fossils and she immediately DLV'd herself by saying that she's a bit of a dork. I immediately SOI'd her: "Ah, you're into science. I think that's really cool." (I broke my own promise, in that I didn't say the word sexy... I'm still working on that). Somehow I felt that she's a bit into me. She wanted to talk to me, and kept offering info, like she's from Ohio and here by herself etc. The interaction was so brief, I kicked myself afterwards for not closing.

Luckily (I'm the luckiest person I know), I ran into her in the evening in the elevator again. I immediately number closed her (we kept the elevator door open until I finished). I wasn't able to get her to join me at the club later in the night, but we started txting. Maybe I'll have something more to report by tomorrow. I wanted to push for sometime so I can run more attraction and connection...

We went to Les Deux, apparently the hottest club in LA. I was on fire, and it really helped that we booked a table. I opened a lot of sets. Some didn't go so well, but I kept going until I was warmed up. One set two sisters, opened really well (situational, then banter). I told them they looked cool and I wanted to talk to them and entertain them for awhile. They said they've been waiting for someone to do that cuz they're tired of talking to eachother (I immediately said I was going to charge them for this service, and they laughed). I nicknamed them Sugar (HB7) and Spice (HB7) and told them to fight it out who's who, they loved it. After I found out that sugar worked at a bank and handles their M&A deals, I told her I was going to pump her for information, because I'm James Bond (they ate it up). It was spice's 21st birthday, and I charmed sugar enough that she basically pushed her sister to give me her number.

Then I saw a couple, and I immediately opened the guy. I had no idea why I did it, but I was on a roll. My BL was such that I was turned slightly away from her, toward the guy. Something didn't feel right because I would talk to the guy and the girl (HBsmart, 8) would always try to jump in the conversation to make a comment. It turns out they were brother and sister. SHIT people... this is why you talk to EVERYONE. I left them for a bit, and caught up with them later. I asked the brother if it's okay that I danced with the sister, he was more than happy if she wanted to, and yes she did. So I lead them to the area of my table, and called in my pivot. I introduced her to the set and she started to chat up the brother, while I isolated HBsmart. It turns out that this girl is really smart (she does cancer research) and she feels a bit out of place in this kind of club, and I immediately hit up on that. I told her I find it sexy that she's into science. I danced with her, then sat her down, kinoed like crazy, arms around her shoulders, waist, held her hand, etc. I #closed her and made plans with her to hang out in the day, doing something more chill, less crazy. She warned me that she's "kind of" seeing someone at the moment, and she added, "just so that I'm completely honest about it"... I said ok. She stayed with me for awhile, then ran off with her brother. At one point her brother lost her and I found her again, and brought her back to her brother (I won so many points this night... it's crazy). Anyways, I'm looking forward to hanging out with her tomorrow.

The night went by so fast and I'm not tired at all. That was definitely one of the best clubbing experience of my life. I've become much more relaxed talking to sets that I've started to notice little things on the spot.

Peeking out of my shell

2008-06-20T02:12:00.001-07:00

I'm dead tired right now, but I need to write this down before sleep snatches me away.

I just went out with Derek and Dan for another round of field work. This time, we went to happy hour, a kind of mixture of day and night game that I actually ended up liking a lot. I met Dan once before about a year ago and I recall really liking his approach to PU, and it was a pleasure to be instructed by him.

This isn't a field report, so I won't go into details about what I did or said, instead I'll just distill some of the highlights of what I learned. It was an eye opener and I think I made a few small breakthroughs.

1. Statements instead of questions.

I have a tendency to ask too many questions at the beginning of the interaction. It's the main (possibly the only) reason that I stall out on so many sets. Especially if the question is just a gimmick that I'm using to talk to them, and I really don't give a fuck about (eg. "what are you drinking"). Dan saw this immediately and gave me a mission: go into a set and not ask a single question. It was much harder than it sounds, and I needed a few tries to even get close.

2. Don't worry about saying anything interesting.

Interesting is a value judgement, which I should be applying to her, instead of applying it to me on her behalf. Dan gave me an example, where he took 3 items from my shopping list (bananas, vitamin water, and kettle chips) and made it interesting. That was fucking amazing. After I stopped caring if what I said was interesting, it became so much easier to talk. My interactions got noticeably better.

3. SOI: tell her she's sexy.

I really don't do that enough (or at all). So Dan challenged me to approach a girl and just straight out tell her that I think she's sexy. It was about an hour and half outside of my comfort zone, but I went in and did it. She lit up, and we ended up having a pretty decent conversation. Then later in different sets, I worked in the SOI after talking for a bit.

After incorporating these things into my interactions, I got better (shocking, I know). I didn't notice it at the time, but I actually stayed in the sets longer and had deeper connection with them. I was honest with who I am, and it came out really natural. The kino was still a bit awkward to me, and I was challenged by Dan to kino girls, but everytime I touch them, it had to be different... different body part, different way, etc. I still don't think I quite got it, but there were two occasions when the girls kinoed me.

The SOI is still a sticking point. So I'm going to promise myself one thing. Every set that I approach from now on, if there is a girl that I find attractive, I'm going to find some non-obvious trait about her that I like, I'll qualify trait and then SOI. I'll even use the same adjective everytime: sexy.

I think I finally peeked out of my shell. Now I just have to step out of it for good. It's so weird that I have to unlearn so many things just so I can be myself. But now that I tried it, there really is no going back.

FR: Lone wolf on a saturday night

2008-06-16T00:34:00.001-07:00

I went out last night by myself. None of my friends wanted to go out but I didn't want to stay home and waste a saturday night.

I hit one of my favorite bars in the city. I was in a pretty good state, walked around the block once and warmed up on a bouncer and two girls on the street.

There were two sets that were of interest the whole night.

The first, a 2-set that I met almost immediately after I got there. She, HB5, was sitting on a stool and looking at messages on her phone and I opened situationally. I felt a bit awkward as I had not much to say. I qualified her by asking her to tell me one interesting thing about her. She said that she had 2 kids, which completely threw me off. I made an awkward joke, wasn't funny, then plowed past it (I should've rewarded her instead, in retrospect). Her friend, HB6, came back with the drinks and I introduced myself immediately and talked to her for a bit. Then I eject.

I caught up with them later at the bar, in a much quieter place. So I was able to run a bit of connection. HB5 asked me to tell her something interesting about me. I told her I'm taking flying lessons and told her the story of how I've always wanted to be a pilot since I was a kid. Then HB6 came and she told me that she moved to Seattle on a whim after college. I tried to amplify, qualifying her as adventurous, etc.

The second set, HBnaughty (8) was wearing booty shorts and glasses. I immediately commented to the group that she looked like a naughty school girl. The group laughed and HBnaughty thought that I was with the group to begin with (it turns out she and her friend just met the guys). To her friend, HBblonde (7.5), I commented that she looked like Britney Spears, and she was a bit annoyed, saying "why does everyone say that?". I didn't know how to handle that at the time, so I just left it.

Then I lost the set. The other guy, who was with a larger group and was talking with them earlier, came in and hooked the set. HBnaughty was kinoing him. I introduced myself to the guy and we got the girls to the dance floor but they walked the other guy around in a circle and came back out. I got confused and since the set wasn't hooked to me anyways, I dropped out.

Both sets called me out, asking who I was there with. To which I had no good answer. The first set, I just lied and said that I had friends coming. The second set, I grabbed HBnaughty and said, "I'm with you baby..." and she laughed. That's probably when I lost the set, come to think of it.

A few things in summary:

+ a little rapport goes a long way. The first set remembered me after the rapport session, and I ended up dancing with them on the dance floor a bit later. But since I didn't run attraction successfully, nothing came out of it.

- I don't know how to pick up large sets on the dance floor.

- Need to push the naughty school girl thread a bit further: "you look like you just stepped out a porn movie..." etc, lots of material to work through there (she was wearing a pearl necklace for godsake).

- Handle negative reaction better. She: "why does everyone think I look like britney spears?" Me: "because it's true... honey, get used to it. You're not wearing underwear right?..."

- Handle being called out at a bar alone. Maybe I should just come clean: "yes... I'm here by myself... (grin) easier to have a ONS that way (wink)."

Next time I'm going to try harder to look for wings. Since I'm still new to the community, I'll have to find a few guys to go out and practice with.

Push, push, and push more

2008-06-15T23:35:00.001-07:00

I have done two in-field work with Dennis and Derek, one night game and one day game. I've gotten similar feedback from both.

I need to push harder.

I can approach, and come across as social and friendly. But I need to be sexual. In the words of Derek, "You have to make her feel uncomfortable. Push until she tells you to stop."

I want to be liked (who doesn't?). As a result, I've always played it safe. I talk about safe topics, make safe jokes, kino her on safe places (sometimes not at all). It takes a lot out of me to open and banter with an attractive girl for the first time at a bar, that I just don't want to screw it up.

But that's exactly what I must do. I have to be willing to be blown out. In fact, I'll learn a lot from blow outs and nothing from friendly conversations. I'm not out at bars to make friends. I don't know these people. They mean nothing to me. Just because I started talking with them, doesn't mean they'll have to like me. So I have to push the interaction into the sexual territory.

I need to tell her she's naughty and need to be spanked. I need to touch her beyond her arms. Hold her hand, touch her neck, inner thigh, and linger a bit longer than I feel comfortable with. I need to incorporate sexual innuendos in conversations (not so good at that yet, but trying), and I need to be blown out a lot more. A lot more.

Introductions

2008-06-15T22:46:00.001-07:00

I turned 26 this month. I think there is a birthday for everyone, when it finally hits home: I'm getting old. 26 happened to be that birthday for me. I started looking back at my life, and tried to think about what I would have done differently. There wasn't much. I went to all the right schools, I have great friends, I love my career, and I've made decent money along the way. But there's one thing that I haven't mastered: women.

I love women. I've always admired their beauty, lusted at their sexuality, and longed for their companionship. And I've always been disappointed. My relationships with women have been unsatisfying for the most part. I never had a girlfriend in high school and only one for all of college. I never had the sex that I've always wanted, because she wasn't into it and I never knew how to get it. I'm awkward around women, and I always end up spending the night alone.

A year and a half ago, I discovered the PUA community. It was during one of the lowest points of my life and a desperate google search brought me to the Pickup 101 website. What I read amazed me. It made perfect sense. Not only was I not completely helpless, there is a system of behavior that I could learn to become better with women: get dates, get laid, and get fulfilling relationships. I started to apply some of the techniques I had read and got immediate results. I remember my first #close. It was on the bus, my heart was racing at a million miles an hour, but it worked. She never called back, but I've never done anything like that before, and I was hooked.

But the path to becoming James Bond was harder than I imagined. There were so many bad behaviors and psychological barriers that I internalized over the years. I would make improvements, then hit a wall and fall back. I'm tired of retreating.

So last month, I decided to take a workshop and ask for help from the professionals. I've been working with Derek and Dennis from Social Savant, and learning from them. I'm starting this blog to document my journey, and perhaps in some distant future, when I'm happily married, I could look back and see the path I traced for myself.